Love After Love
by Elle Jae
Summary: Completely human! Can Bella make all the necessary sacrifices to be with Edward? It seems like every obstacle is fighting for them to be apart- will one of them give in?
1. Chapter 1: He's magic and myth

**Love After Love**

_**He's magic and myth; as strong as what I believe.**_

**Plot Summary: Completely human! Bella and Edward go to the same school, live in the same ridiculously small town and their parents are best friends. Yet the two of them have never really hit it off. Edward is a serious player but somehow manages to retain his manners and is a genuinely nice guy. Bella has never even considered the possibility of becoming close to Edward, but when the two of them find themselves spending more time together, what will happen? Will Edward be able to change the way he is with girls? Will Bella make the necessary sacrifices to be with him?**

**A/N: Okay so I decided to write this story because I can't find a Twilight Fanfic that I really love. Love After Love is a poem that we study in England and it's basically about learning to love yourself after you've been burned by loving someone else and I thought it was a very fitting title for this story. It's a really beautiful poem and in many ways is my inspiration for this. Enjoy and review please!**

Edward's luscious scent fanned across my face and I momentarily forgot the purpose of my visit. He was as beautiful as ever and I realised too late that the adjectives I thought of really didn't do him justice. His eyes, a piercing emerald, gazed deep into my own yet I got the feeling that he wasn't intending to stun me; he was completely unaware of his magnificence- perhaps his most appealing feature.

"Er ... is your mom home?" I stuttered, blushing furiously. He gave a small chuckle.

"Still as flustered as always, Bella?" His voice was soft, tender. It was a rhetorical question, because to say that I didn't get flustered was like saying that Jellyfish were vertebrates.

"Er, yes". It seemed like everything I would say to him would begin with hesitation on my part. His plump lips formed a slightly off centre smirk and he moved to one side of the doorway, gesturing inside.

"I'll tell Esme that you're here; she'll be delighted". I smiled shyly as I stepped past his slender body. Time hadn't altered his perfect musculature either and his grey V-neck hung across his toned stomach nicely. The blush deepened and he seemed to notice. "It's been a long time since we've seen you here, Bella. What is the cause of this rarity?" As always, he was perfectly articulated and spoke with an accent that was impossible to place.

"My dad sent me round with an invitation for your folks," I muttered bitterly. This was a favour that I was determined to be rewarded for; my parents knew how difficult it was to retain my sanity around Edward.

"An invitation?" His faultless face was puzzled and his lips pouted slightly.

"Yeah, my mom is throwing a 45th for my dad and she said she'd love it if you could all be there". Edward smiled crookedly at me.

"Nice, Emmett's been rooting for a party for ages!" His enthusiasm was catching and I found myself laughing almost hysterically. We were walking at an impossibly slow pace down his impossibly long hallway. In an attempt to speed us up, Edward placed his hand against the small of my back and guided me into the kitchen. My heart was in my throat. His mother, a raven haired beauty, was leaning against their breakfast bar seemingly deep in thought. She glanced up once and then did a slight double take.

"Bella Swan? My God, I was just saying to your mother the other day that I barely see you anymore". Her arms wrapped around me and I found myself suddenly very comfortable despite where I was.

"Yeah, I've had so much to catch up on at school; I'm rarely out of my room these days". Edward grinned beside me.

"Translation- Bella lost all means of a social life a while ago". His ringing laugh soothed me yet I knew I should be seething at his comment. Esme shot him a warning glance. Edward and I had never really been great friends. We smiled at one another in the corridors, sometimes even speaking if there weren't many people around, but there was just something about him that really pissed me off. I wasn't entirely sure what it was but I had a feeling it was his arrogance. Edward was a nice guy- seventeen, well spoken and drop-dead gorgeous- but he knew it and that was his downfall. To less shallow girls than myself, this only made him impossibly irresistible, but to me, it simply made him irritating. His snide remark about my social life, or lack thereof, was below the belt in my eyes. He didn't know the first thing about me, yet he felt the need to embarrass me still. I was only grateful that he was never like this at school.

"I suppose Edward's right," I admitted cynically, "I should sort my priorities out". Esme gave a motherly smile. "Anyway, to cut to the chase, my mom is throwing a 'do' for my dad's 45th birthday and I know she'd love it if you and Carlisle could be there". Edward's parents and my own had a strange relationship. We all lived in the minute town of Forks, Washington where everybody knew everybody else and their pets. Even so, my parents struggled to make even so much as a fortnightly trip to the Cullen's house because of 'bigger concerns' yet they all claimed to be best friends. The unusual truce between them only made tension between Edward and me stronger; we didn't know whether to be close or not. On the rare occasion that I'd actually had a decent conversation with him, he'd admitted he wasn't sure whether we could class as friends or not. This hadn't annoyed me; I felt exactly the same way. Esme's answering grin was animated, though I thought genuinely so.

"Bella! That's lovely, tell them! Carlisle and I were saying yesterday that we'd come down to see the lot of you next week, but I suppose this party will serve as a perfect rendezvous. Make sure you let them know we'll be there, I'll give Renee a call later, sort everything out". She walked away muttering excitedly. I smiled shyly at Edward; it was just the two of us in the kitchen. He was leaning casually against a pale, white wall, his long legs stretched in front of him. He flexed them slightly before standing straight.

"I suppose I'd best escort you out, huh Swan? If you fall near Esme's new crystal, she'll kill you herself," he teased. I didn't retort because he knew rightly just how clumsy I was. I walked silently alongside him, past the priceless antiques and treasures that his hallway held. After a second or so of my slow pace, he bent his head slightly so that we were on the same level. "You're different, Swan," he accused, "I saw you on Friday, and in the space of two days, you've changed". My face formed the same puzzled structure that his had earlier, only much less beautiful, I was sure.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Don't ask me to explain myself," he chuckled, "I don't even know what I'm talking about myself. But you just seem different somehow". I shrugged nonchalantly. He raised his head back up to its normal peak of 6'1". "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, Swan". I would have been annoyed that he was being so impersonal by using my surname, but I couldn't even remember what that surname was as he pierced my eyes again. I walked through his titanic front door and down his driveway. "Oh, yeah, Bella?" I recognised the first use of my name. I paused and turned back to him. He was leaning cockily against the doorframe. "I'll pick you up, give you a ride. Your truck looks more deadbeat every day". He gave a last crooked smile and retreated into his home. It took me a while to remember how to walk.

**Okay, so I hope you like it. I know it isn't too exciting, but let me know what kind of things you'd like to see in the next few chapters and I'll update as soon as I can, taking your ideas into consideration. Ask if there's anything you don't understand. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2: I need some distraction

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I didn't get many ideas for what else to include so I'm just going to go with what I think. Review and tell me exactly what you think please.**

**To Kasey who reviewed the last chapter: It was really nice reading your review, but you should login or something next time, or at least leave me your email, so that I can reply and thank you directly :) **

_**I need some distraction; oh beautiful release**_

I flew to the window to see his gleaming silver Volvo parked next to my shabby truck. I was pleasantly surprised and absolutely terrified; I hadn't believed for a second that he would turn up this morning. Yet here he was in all his flawless glory. I realised two things instantaneously. First: Edward Cullen was actually giving me a ride to school and he didn't seem to be doing it out of pity. Two: I would be arriving at school with Edward Cullen. I panicked as the second thought sunk in. Edward and I were practically two different species at school. He couldn't really be described as a jock because he preferred to stay out of the way of most of the people at school, choosing instead to sit with his sister, Alice. But he was as popular, as _desirable_ as any of the jocks. Every girl fawned over him and worshipped his very presence. I couldn't say that I blamed them but it wound me up because there was so much more to him than just his beautiful appearance. Arrogant, reckless and foolish as he was, he was also incredibly generous, incredibly warm. Yes, we were two entirely different classes of people at school, but he still treated me like he did any of his stunning girlfriends. Maybe not as intimate, but still honest, still lovely. So seeing him leaning against his car, calmly waiting for me to join him, made me feel ashamed that I wouldn't expect this kind of gentlemanliness from him.

I thundered down the staircase muttering brief goodbyes to my parents. I slammed the front door behind me and slowed my pace to appear as calm as him. He looked up as I approached.

"Swan!" He exclaimed in greeting, pulling open the passenger door for me. I slid inside onto the plush cream leather and basked in the warmth of his heater. He joined me a second later.

"You know, you didn't really have to drive me," I mumbled, embarrassed. He laughed and began to pull out of my driveway.

"I know I didn't _have_ to, but I promised, didn't I?" His smirk was teasing, playful. I was about to reply when his phone rang.

"Ugh," he grunted, glancing at the screen- '_Lauren'_ was flashing. It was at this point that I realised that I was too besotted by him for anyone's good; even his none-committal grunt made my heart race. "Do you mind if I answer? She won't stop calling otherwise". I shook my head and he flipped open the thin, silver phone.

"Hello? Sorry babe but I'm already on my way. What? I suppose Alice could give you a ride ... I'll have to check with her. Are you sure? I am sorry; it's just that other things came ..." His voice trailed off as Lauren hung up on him. He sighed, smiling bitterly. "Never say you're too busy to pick your girlfriend up for school," he muttered.

"I'll remember that". His smile became more genuine as he shoved his phone into the back of the glove compartment. We drove in silence for a while and I mulled over his conversation with Lauren. Lauren Mallory was his girlfriend of three months. She was blonde, tall and beautiful; everything I wasn't. Edward normally had a different girl on his arm every other day, but he and Lauren seemed to have lasted quite well. I wasn't surprised that Lauren was so desperate to hang on to him. Sure, he was a player-a huge one at that- but no-one could deny that he treated the girls with respect. Admittedly, it was difficult to dump someone while respecting them, but Edward tried his hardest. He was also extremely liberal when it came to money and in the three months they'd been together, he'd bought Lauren three designer dresses, a phone and a new car stereo. Being the shallow, vain bimbo that she was, Lauren had lapped it up and had remained ever eager to remain at Edward's side. It looked like things were rocky between them.

"Lauren doing okay then?" I broke the silence tentatively. He groaned.

"What's your definition of 'okay'? If it includes the words 'demanding', 'hot-headed' and 'vain', then yeah, she's more than 'okay'". I laughed and wondered if he realised how much of a hypocrite he was describing Lauren as 'vain'. He seemed to. "I know, I know, pot calling the kettle, right? But vanity is so unattractive in a girl". His eyes strayed from the road to read my face. I wondered what he saw there because he was suddenly sheepish. "I think you have a very bad opinion of me". I smiled.

"Not bad, no. You just confuse me sometimes," I said, glancing up at his puzzled expression.

"How so?" He enquired. I chose my words carefully; I didn't want to mess things up.

"Well, you chose to date Lauren, knowing full well what she was like. That implies to me a certain craving for all things blonde and vain. I don't understand how you can sit there and easily slag her off, to someone you barely know, for all the unappealing qualities that _you_ chose". I'd stunned him into silence. That wasn't good. Finally, he spoke.

"I know you," he said simply. I blushed. It seemed to be his turn to root for careful words. "I choose girls like Lauren because they're easy. I don't mean easy as in 'easy to get in bed', Bella. You know I'm not like that," he added quickly as he registered my raised eyebrows. The truth was that I _didn't_ know what he was like anymore. I used to be fully confident that Edward was the kind of guy who would wait for the right person and not just have sex with any old girlfriend. Lately, as I heard more and more rumours regarding him and Lauren, I became less sure of what I knew. "I mean easy as in 'easy to get'. It's stupid, selfish and pig-headed of me, I know, but I feel safe dating someone like her". We were silent again.

"I'm not sure ... that I understand," I stuttered eventually. He sighed.

"It's going to sound ridiculous to you, I'm sure. But I know that the likes of Lauren are all too eager to date me. In truth, I want nothing more than a proper relationship with a girl with some _depth_, you know? Someone who doesn't just want me because they think I look good next to them. But someone who I can talk to, someone who I can learn things about and in turn can learn things about me. But I'm scared that finding someone like that will only end up in hurt. For both me and her". I was the silently stunned one now. That one speech had wiped out every opinion I'd ever had of Edward Cullen. He had gone from being egotistical, proud and sex hungry, to someone with just as much insecurity as me. He'd become, for the first time, _vulnerable_. He was clearly embarrassed to have admitted that to me and looked as if he regretted saying anything.

"It doesn't sound ridiculous. It _sounds_ ... like you have some things to sort out," I finished simply. He grinned, back to his cocky self. It was a different cocky now though, it was exposed and weak. I knew that it would be easy for me to open him up again and that secretly pleased me.

"Regarding Lauren? Yes, it would seem that I do". He deliberated for a moment and his face became defenceless again. "I don't like who I am sometimes. I don't like the way that I do things, the way that I treat people. People like you for example". He'd stopped the car in the school parking lot now. Turning off the engine, he adjusted himself in his seat to face me properly. "I barely ever speak to you, Bella, and I really should do. We've known each other God knows how long and I haven't even taken the time to get o know you properly. That's my downfall; I misjudge people. Well, I won't be doing it again, Bella". He smiled and I remembered to exhale. He left the car and returned to open my door for me. It was drizzling slightly. His eyes suddenly took on a wicked, mocked glint. "Don't be too put out that I've never really spoken to you properly- not everyone can be blonde," he laughed cheerfully and guided me into the school with a hand placed on my back again. Not even Lauren Mallory's glare as she stepped out of a dilapidated car I recognised as Mike Newton's could spoil the thrill of walking into school with Edward Cullen- the _new_ Edward Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins

**A/N: Thanks again for the lovely reviews, but could I please have some more this chapter?? They really encourage me to write more. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**P.S: Kasey, again thanks for your review, but your email didn't show up because of Fanfiction rules.**

_**I was a quick wet boy diving too deep for coins**_

That one, wonderful, glorious morning became a regular occurrence. Every day I would rush to the window of the front bedroom and see his silver Volvo parked in front of my house. Every day I would see him leaning against the driver's side, waiting for me. I never got tired of seeing his solemn face animate as I strode closer to him. We didn't talk as openly as that first day; he was careful not to broach any subject that might force him open again, but I didn't mind. Instead, we talked about our childhoods, our friends, our school, and on this one particular day- my mother's party. My dad was completely oblivious even though 90% of Forks had been invited. My mum had only intended it to be a small affair in the kitchen and garden of our tiny house, but as word got round, more and more people were requesting that they be invited to the Chief of Police's birthday 'do'. It was amusing watching my poor mother get slightly greyer each day as she stressed about where we should have it.

"Bigwigs?" Edward asked me in disbelief. "You cannot be serious?" I giggled and he pulled a face. "I didn't even know that place was still standing".

"Apparently it is. My mum thinks it's fabulous, of course". Bigwigs was one of the very few 'clubs' in Forks but had been practically derelict until my mother had insisted on hiring out the function room for the 45th. It was clear that Edward shared my scepticisms. Conversation would flow easily between us now, and we filled the time between my house and school with small talk.

Arriving at school I knew instantly something was wrong. Edward's back tensed and his jaw protested against his high cheekbones.

"Stay in the car, Bella. I just need to sort out my timetable. I'll be right back". His voice was low but there was a hint of excitement. I was confused. He answered my silent questions with an apologetic, reassuring smile. He almost leaped from the car and practically sprinted across to the attendance office. I watched him closely, appraising him once more. Even though I criticised the people who adored Edward simply for his looks, I couldn't help but notice they had a point. The muscles in his back jutted out against his slim t-shirt slightly and the contours of his arms hugged the short sleeves. A flash of bleach blonde interrupted my view. It took me a second or so to realise that Lauren Mallory was the source and another few to realise that Edward was guiding her excitedly round the back of the outbuilding. The smug smile she wore couldn't have been for me- she didn't even know where I was- but I felt it was somehow. As they disappeared, clutching each other tightly, a hole ripped into my chest. It was wrong for me to feel that way. After all, Edward and I were nothing more than friends, probably even less than that. Yet I felt impossibly hurt. Edward had told me that he'd finished with Lauren- that he knew he could be everything he wanted if he stopped dating girls like her. But that was the proof that he'd been seeing her behind my back. I didn't even know what I was thinking. _Behind my back? _I wasn't even dating the guy. But a small part of me had pretended that we were closer than we really were. The ride to school in a morning was nothing more than a favour for a family friend. The talks we had were nothing more than necessary on the ride that was nothing more than a favour for a family friend. Thoughts repeated themselves in my head and I knew I was close to tears. I fought them back because crying would only show me up; any form of emotion around Edward would only show him how incredibly intoxicated by him I was. I considered storming out of the car but then I realised I should have no need to if I wasn't so obsessed. So I remained in the car and decided to make a joke out of it when he returned. He did so quickly and Lauren emerged from the same spot ten seconds later, smoothing down her ridiculous matted extensions. Edward opened the passenger door for me and I stepped out, perhaps more aggressively than I should. He noticed and his lips pursed. I quickly thought up an excuse.

"You left me in that car for ages; I didn't know whether to get out or not," I lied and he looked instantly panicked.

"Yeah ... sorry Swan, I had a bit of trouble with fifth period Biology. It's sorted now though". He grinned widely at me and we walked towards the school. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh puh-lease," I said dramatically while my heart shattered into a million pieces.

"What?" He asked innocently. Too innocently.

"Edward, Lauren Mallory would be hard to miss in a blackout!" I tried to force out a laugh but it sounded hysterical. For the first time I'd ever seen, Edward Cullen blushed. It was abnormal on his pale skin.

"You saw that did you?" He asked, seeming horrified.

"Like I said, Lauren hasn't chosen the most inconspicuous hair colour". He shifted uncomfortably beside me as we stood under the canopy, sheltering from the sudden downpour.

"I didn't want you to see that, Bella". I noticed how he only used my first name when he was back in his vulnerable state. That was where he was now. His face was drained of any colour at all and it was unsettling. He was normally so confident, so full of himself that it was strange to see any hesitation from him. I had once loved to see this vulnerable side to him, but now it simply hurt to see him like this. I regretted saying anything, but I couldn't understand why he'd lied to me.

"Why not? It's none of my business what you do or who you go out with. I just can't believe you had the audacity to blatantly lie to me about it," I muttered, practically incoherent. My voice broke at the end.

"I apologise for lying and I sincerely mean it. But I do not know what to tell you about Lauren. I really don't". Fury raged inside me and I glared up at him. He met my eyes and his were full of remorse.

"Then _don't_," I spat. "Like I said, it's none of my business". I turned on my heel and stalked in the opposite direction. I had no idea where I was going, but it was to cry, I knew that much. I couldn't place my anguish, which somehow made it worse. I knew I had no right to be upset, there was nothing that had triggered it other than Edward lying. But I wasn't angry about that. I was angry, I was _jealous_ that he chose Lauren Mallory after everything he'd said about her.

"Bella, wait, please!" He called in his angel's voice. Tears began streaming down my face and I quickened my pace.

"_No_," I almost hissed. "I'll walk home". I heard Lauren's chirping giggle in the distance and broke into a run out of the school premises.

**Okay, what do you think? I know it's about as tame as a dead bird right now, but things will get better, I promise. Review please and I'll update quicker :)**


	4. Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship

**A/N: Thanks once again for some lovely reviews, I really appreciate them. I've made this chapter a little longer as a kind of 'thank-you'. I hope you like it.**

_**I will go down with this ship, and I won't put my hands up and surrender**_

Edward and I didn't speak for the rest of that day. Part of me was glad; I knew I'd only get choked up about it. But another part of me was screaming out for his attention. I had English fourth period with him and I was expecting some sort of apology from him. True, he'd apologised once, but he'd also seen me running out of the school gates, evidently upset. His nonchalant attitude stunned me; I didn't think he was the type to let someone hurt over him. But then I realised- as far as he was concerned, I cared no more for him than as a friend and I had no reason to be upset about his relationship with Lauren. The witch was in that class with us, but sat at the front of the room, whereas we were sat in either corner of the back. I heard her incredibly nasal voice as I took my seat.

"Jess, I'm telling you, it was amazing!" She gushed as Jessica's face became more and more sour. She continued with her burbling account of her morning and only stopped when Edward entered. He was a few minutes late, so the whole class watched as he strode gracefully through the door, almost as tall as the frame. He smiled at Lauren as he passed and she winked at him, flipping her long wiry hair over her shoulder. Her legs were crossed so that her almost none-existent skirt became even more buried under her tanned, lean thigh. Her fuchsia shirt had three buttons undone, destroying the entire point of wearing a shirt in the first place. I gave Edward his due though; his eyes never strayed farther than her face- they were literally the only pair that didn't. He continued the walk to the back of the classroom where he stared at me in angst before taking his seat. The lecture was about techniques used in the novel Of Mice and Men. I'd read the book over and over again, so I didn't feel all too inclined to listen. Instead, I watched Lauren Mallory.

She'd joined Forks High School two years ago and had been a subject of fascination ever since. I envied her like the others at first. A good analogy for Lauren living in Forks was a tropical princess taking refuge in a bike shed; completely unbelievable and backwards. She wasn't fantastically pretty. She had a long, pointed nose and squinty grey eyes, but I doubted very much that it was her face that people went for. She was about 5'8" with legs that probably reached my chest (I couldn't know for certain because I'd never stood close enough to find out) and boobs that didn't match her frame _at all_. She was toned, bronzed and pouty- the essential make-up of a stuck-up pageant queen. She'd actually competed in seven pageants, according to Jessica, before she'd even turned 13 and won four of them (though she couldn't seem to remember which ones). Lauren Mallory, to put it simply, was the natural arch enemy of a person like me. I was paler than anyone else I knew in Forks, with the exception of Edward and Alice. My hair was thick, long and dull brown. There wasn't even a colour that could describe my eyes other than peat-bog brown. I was merely average height with no stand-out features. I was _plain_. I scolded myself silently for considering that Edward and I were well suited as even friends. How could someone as exquisitely magnificent as Edward Cullen stand to be associated with someone as unattractively ordinary as me?

I was still wrapped up in Lauren's appealing features when Mrs Elsender called on me for an answer.

"Er ... sorry?" I stammered. I heard a few giggles from the front of the class and I blushed.

"I asked you what the rocks at the beginning of the story could symbolise?" I shot a darting glance at Lauren's face; she was revelling in my embarrassment. I clenched my jaw a little smugly; I knew Of Mice and Men like the back of my hand.

"Well, they could represent gravestones, which signify the death which comes at the end of the story. But I thought that when George visits the field again, to shoot Lenny, they could stand for Lenny's soul. It's like he's not leaving the place where he heard his favourite stories; he'll always be in the place where he was peaceful, happy". I'd taken it upon myself to annotate my own copy of the book at home for when we would study it in class. Seeing Lauren's face contort into fury as I didn't humiliate myself was worth the hours. Mrs Elsender clapped appreciateivly.

"I don't think I've ever had such a well articulated answer as that, Bella. Well done! Now, Miss Mallory- what's your opinion on the rocks?" Lauren flipped her hair.

"Well, I think they could be, like, rabbits ... Lenny likes rabbits, right?" Mrs Elsender looked at her in disbelief.

"Get out of my classroom, Miss Mallory. You are the most ridiculous girl I have ever met. If the best answer you can give me on a book we've been studying for almost three weeks is that the rocks could be _rabbits_, then I think you need to repeat third grade!" Lauren's nostrils flared and her mouth hung open. Several people tittered. Eventually, she composed herself, muttered something about 'pathetic children' and left the room. I smiled faintly; Lauren's expression was priceless. My smugness faded abruptly as Edward raised his hand and asked to be excused. Mrs Elsender allowed him and he left swiftly. The remainder of the hour dragged sluggishly and when the bell finally went, I leapt from my seat and left for the cafeteria.

I normally sat with Angela Weber at dinnertime but she asked too many questions so I decided to sit at a separate table. She glanced at me with hurt staining her eyes but I didn't have the patience to explain to her. I poked at my jacket potato absentmindedly, mulling over the day. A tray suddenly slid opposite mine and I looked up to see Edward's hard, composed face. I returned to my dinner, paying him no more attention than was necessary.

"Hello," he said quietly, sitting down. I nodded once. "Will you let me explain things to you, or will you continue to ignore me throughout?" I saw his eyes were fixed on me; they were filled with anguish.

"You don't need to explain," I grumbled, starting to stand. His long fingers clasped around my wrist like a manacle, quite tightly. I gave a small gasp and sat back down hastily.

"Yes, Bella, I do". His voice was soft, gentle. My eyes traced the forms of his chest rather than meeting his gaze. "I have a _lot_ to apologise for. First of all, for lying to you this morning". I nodded slightly.

"I get it, its fine". He sighed exasperatedly.

"_Bella_, stop saying that its fine. It isn't fine because I had no reason or right to lie blatantly to you. I treated you like you were an idiot, expecting you not to guess the truth. Second of all, I have to apologise for keeping my ... _relationship_ ... with Lauren a secret from you". His face pulled into a disgusted grimace.

"Please, Edward. You don't need to do this. Like I said, it has nothing to do with me". He stared at me in disbelief.

"Bella, I care for you a hell of a lot and I'm not going to let this go". My heart fluttered erratically at his words. "When we had that talk in the car that day ... you know when I mean?"

"Yes," I mumbled.

"Well I meant everything I said. Everything about Lauren, I meant and I still mean. She's spoilt, selfish, conceited and more materialistic than I can possibly describe to you. I went to find her that day to end things with her and I swear to you that I was prepared to do anything to distance myself from her. But I found her, crying on the phone. I asked her what was the matter and she told me that her mum had found a lump..." He trailed off sadly. A lump came in my throat. Cancer was a touchy subject for me. My Grandma had died from cancer of the throat when I was fifteen, so remorse overwhelmed me. Edward knew it would be hard for me to talk about, so he didn't finish. "I think you know why I couldn't finish with her there and then".

"Yes, and like I said, I don't blame you or expect you to".

"I expect _myself_ to Bella. I admit that a part of me did want to be with her because the shallow part of me likes it. But I saw how she was being with you in English and I realised I had to do something". My potato lay cold and forgotten on my plate.

"So, you dumped her?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes". My heart thumped. The blush from earlier returned to his cheeks. His eyes flitted about the cafeteria for a moment until they finally rested on my face. "I need to ask you something, Bella. I know I've been an absolute idiot today, I've treated you like crap and you don't deserve it. But I'd like very much to go out with you," he said quietly. It was my turn to blush. My eyes dropped to my lap and my pulse raced. I didn't know what to say at all. Edward Cullen was asking me out ... I think. I bit my lower lip and tried to compose myself. I muttered a few incomprehensible things and after a few more, Edward simply took my chin in his cool hand and kissed me. I'd had kisses before, from boys who now seemed so immature to me. But they were nothing compared to this. My lips moved against his and he pressed closer to me. My hands wrapped around his neck instinctively, holding him there; his closed around my waist in turn. His tongue traced against my lips and I parted them slightly. I'd forgotten that we were in a crowded cafeteria until the chatter became absolute silence. I stopped kissing him and pushed his chest softly; he misinterpreted and leaned in closer. I pushed harder and he pulled away, slightly breathless and flushed. But there was a gleam in his eye, excitement and raging desire- I knew that they mirrored my own. It hit him that our surroundings were not at all secluded. He glanced round at the same time I did. Lauren's piggy eyes were narrowed at us. Her chin was jutting out and you could see the vein throbbing in her forehead. She called to us from across the room.

"Well well well, Edward Cullen. Never thought I'd see the day when you began scraping the barrel. It's fine though- you have your little fun with her and then come crawling back to me when she insists you stay on first base". She barked a laugh and strutted from the room. Chatter began to fill the rook again. Edward took my face in his hand once more.

"Ignore her," he murmured and began kissing me again. Lauren Mallory could have speared me with a javelin and I don't think I'd have noticed.

**Please, please, please tell me what you think! Give me some ideas as well because I want to know what **_**you**_** want to read. Review pleaseee x**


	5. Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Especially to the ones from people who aren't logged in because it means that I can't reply to thank you personally. Thanks also to Soccerstar17 who kindly pointed out a mistake I had made. Do you think that things are going well with the story or am I rushing the relationship between Edward and Bella? Let me know please. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**P.S: I've been getting a few people asking me to update more but I really can't. I post a chapter a day and two if I have the time. I'd love to have this whole story up within a week or something, but if I did then it would be really crap and I'm trying to make it the best I can. Have some patience please! Reviewww :)**

_**"Son fear is the heart of love", so I never went back**_

Dating Edward Cullen had catapulted me to high school fame. For the next week it was _me_ who the girls looked at in envy as Edward walked me to class, his arm wrapped protectively around me. I repelled this attention though; it only encouraged me to be clumsier. Edward seemed to be in his absolute element. He still insisted on driving me to school, but he arrived at my house with a huge smile on his face rather than the sullenness I'd come to expect. As I approached his car, he'd meet me halfway up the drive and enclose me in his arms, lean down to my face and kiss me. It was only a brief thing, but it was enough to set my heart hammering against my chest. It was hard to get my head around.

The morning before my father's party, I slid into Edward's Volvo, slightly flustered from our kiss, and noticed a slim black box across the back seat. I looked at him questioningly and he smiled faintly.

"I didn't know if you'd have something to wear for the party tomorrow night, so I had Alice pick you something out". I pursed my lips; Edward knew my aversion to all things strapless and shaped.

"I have plenty of things to wear, thank-you," I replied stiffly.

"Bella, I don't think your sweats count, you know," he teased and then sighed.

"I'm not talking about that. I meant that I have plenty of things to wear that didn't cost a small fortune".

"Ahh". We'd had this conversation once before. Edward had had my truck completely reupholstered the other week because I'd made a small, absentminded complaint that the fabric was falling apart. I couldn't deny that I was extremely grateful- the truck had gained actual comfort- but I didn't like him spending money on me.

"It makes me feel like Lauren," I grumbled.

"Lauren Mallory has the personality of a pencil; you are nothing remotely like her".

"You know I didn't mean that".

"Bella, I bought you a dress okay? It's just a dress. I'll return it in the morning if it makes you that unhappy". We were pulling up to school.

"It doesn't make me unhappy, it makes _unequal_," I said quietly. He parked in the lot, turned off the engine and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head against his hard chest and sighed contentedly.

"We're not unequal, we're _perfect_," he insisted.

At dinnertime, we sat at our usual table with his sister, Alice. She was a tiny girl with tiny features. Her black hair was madly arranged to lead in every direction and I had a feeling it paralleled her life.

"Thanks for the dress, Alice". She smiled hugely.

"Ooo it was my pleasure!" She squealed.

"I spoke to Bella's mother this morning and the party's starting at half eight," Edward told her. I'd refused to speak about the party with my mum any more than was necessary because I knew she'd rope me into the arrangements. I was regretful that it wasn't my dad throwing it for my mum; he understood my loathing of parties and dancing. Alice and Edward, however, were ridiculously eager.

"Wonderful, that gives me time to get ready. Do you have heels to wear with the dress, Bella? If not, I'll have Edward send me out again. Running errands with his card is fun," she smiled wickedly at him and he sighed, pulling a credit card from his jacket pocket and handing it to her. She clapped her hands. Edward examined my apprehensive expression and took my hands in his, holding them tight. He kissed one.

"Don't worry, she'll find something on sale, I promise". Alice's face fell.

"Oh yes, there are plenty of stores putting sales on at this time of year," she said sarcastically.

"She promises too," Edward said through his teeth. Alice folded her arms and left, muttering about how she'd have to ditch last period to find something in time. "Everything is going to be fine tomorrow, Bella. It's just a party". I frowned.

"Yes, to you it is. To me it's just another opportunity for me to embarrass myself. It doesn't help to have fifty-odd pairs of eyes on you when you're as uncoordinated as me". He laughed and leaned over to kiss me lightly. I placed my hands on his neck to prolong the moment but he merely chuckled and pulled away.

"As much as I wish it, it isn't just you and I sat here. The party will be excellent, Bella. You will look as stunning as ever, even in a dress that you more than likely won't like. I will be able to spend the entire night with you. And our parents will be able to talk about how we're both coming home looking so much happier. Well, I know that mine will be," he added, suddenly embarrassed. I stroked the palm of his hand, tracing the lines of it gently.

"Mine will be too, silly," I said, stretching out of my seat to kiss him. He smiled against my lips.

"That's nice to know".

"You know, for someone who comes across as extraordinarily overconfident, you're extremely helpless sometimes, aren't you?" He stared at me, tracing the contours of my hand now. He was evidently nonplussed.

"Helpless?" He asked, looking himself up and down.

"I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. Most of the time, you're so sure of yourself, so secure about everything you do, but then there are these times when you make me feel like crying," I admitted. I wondered if I was making any sense to him.

"I upset you?" He enquired, shocked.

"Only because I see your face and I realise that you're even less sure of my feelings for you than I am of yours for me". His eyes fell to the table.

"I know that I don't deserve you, Bella," he replied slowly. "But I feel a great number of things for you and it's hard for me to believe that you feel even one of them".

"What do you mean, you don't 'deserve' me? You're not unworthy of a girlfriend, you know. Even if you have tarred yourself slightly by dating Mallory," I said lightly. He didn't respond. "Okay, then what is it about me that you feel so undeserving of?" I mocked. It took him a while to answer.

"The way you look at me, the way your whole face lights up when you see me in a morning and in between lessons. I don't deserve _that, _for a start". His eyes were flitting across the table in a bid to avoid mine. I pulled his chin up and eventually his eyes met me. I gazed at him for a long moment, waiting for the emerald green to soften. It did and he seemed to calm down slightly.

"You are fully deserving of any part of me that I choose to give to you- which happens to be everything, by the way," I added casually. He smiled.

"You're a strange girl, Bella. Maybe that's why I like you so much," he sighed. "Anyway, we'd best get to class". I walked with him along the corridors until he suddenly pulled me into a corner and kissed me. I was just about to stretch onto my tiptoes to put my arms round his neck when he chuckled lightly and pulled away.

"Why do you keep doing that today?" I moaned, feigning annoyance.

"I don't know why I do anything anymore, Bella. Love makes you do strange things". I widened my eyes at him but he just walked on ahead. If my heart wasn't thumping madly before this conversation, it was chewing its' way out of my chest now.

**There's a lot more speech in this chapter and a lot less description so I hope that's okay. R+R please :)**


	6. Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me

**A/N: Apologies for the time it has taken me to update but I've spent the weekend babysitting in a house with no computer =| Trust me; I've missed this story as much as I'm sure some of you will have. Once again, thanks for the reviews I've been getting and keep them coming :) **

_**You'll learn to hate me, but still call me 'baby'**_

I spent a long time thinking about Edward's words. I couldn't be sure what he really meant by them, or even if they had any meaning behind them at all. Love seemed like too big a thing to just blossom overnight. He'd either loved me for a long time, or he didn't scrutinise things the way I did. I was forced to push them to the back of my mind on the night of the party. Alice had pestered me all day until I'd finally agreed that she could come over to my house two hours early to help me get ready. I could see that she would be more of a hindrance, though, when I saw the huge case of makeup that she'd brought. In one arm she was balancing the box from Edward's car, and in the other she had a pair of strappy violet heels and a silver case. I cringed at the sight of her.

"Thanks for the welcoming reception, Bella," she giggled, "you sure know how to make someone feel wanted". I groaned.

"You're not wanted- not with the things you've brought, anyway".

"Perhaps I'm not wanted, but I'm _necessary_". I couldn't argue with that. I'd been worrying all day about what kind of dress she had bought, whether it would fit me- whether it would _suit_ me. To have her here to reassure me was a huge comfort even though I would never admit it. I muttered incomprehensibly and gestured into the house. She swept past me and walked straight into the sitting room where my mum was sat in her sweats. Alice gasped.

"Mrs Swan! You should get ready!" I could see her mentally allocating how many minutes it would take my mother to do each thing and a frantic look crossed her face as she came to the conclusion that there weren't nearly enough. My mum jumped slightly at her screech.

"Oh, hi Alice. I can't get ready yet; Charlie's coming home soon from work. I'm going to wait until Billy's taken him to the club to 'watch football'". She announced this last bit with pride; it had been her idea to fool Charlie this way.

"Billy Black?" Asked Alice, darkly. My mum nodded.

"Uh-huh. He and Charlie have been great friends for years now. His son is coming too, Jacob. Bella, you know him," she said, attempting nonchalance. I knew it had been a great desire of hers for some time now, that Jacob and I would begin dating. I had insisted, also for some time now, that I would never be able to see Jacob as anything other than a kid I used to make mud pies with. Alice's jaw clenched audibly. "Is there ... a problem, Alice?" My mum was hesitant. It took Alice a while to compose herself.

"No, no problem. Come on Bella, I completely misevaluated this whole thing. You should have told me three hours- three! What was I thinking, trying to push everything into two?" Her voice was outraged and I felt that it wasn't just about the time.

After an hour of having my hair straight, then curly, then back to straight and eventually having to re-wash it to get all the lotions out of it so Alice could start again, I'd had enough.

"Forget it Alice. My hair is thick and ridiculously unmanageable. I am ugly and ridiculously unsalvageable. _Leave it_," I pleaded but she shook her head. Her eyes were frenzied as she relentlessly tried to tame my hair.

"Maybe you should just get into your dress ... and then we'll see if we have time". Her pressed lips told me there was no time. I sighed and approached the black box apprehensively. "Oh, and Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?" I grumbled, afraid she would say there _was _time for one more attempt at my hair.

"No-one that my brother dates is ever ugly". I blushed and pulled the top from the box. I struggled to remove the mass of tissue with _Chanel_ printed repeatedly over it but eventually reached the dress inside. It was short, slightly puffed out at the bottom and deep purple. I panicked immediately.

"I can't wear this. It's _short_!" I gasped out. Alice sighed and stroked the soft wispy material.

"Bella, it's gorgeous. I would actually _kill_ for a dress like this. No, I would _beg Edward _to buy me a dress like this. And here you are with one that he's bought you just because he ... well um-", she broke off and muttered to herself. "Because he's ... going out with you," she finished finally. She was slightly red in the face. My eyebrows knitted together but I forced my attention back to the dress.

"I'll look stupid," I mumbled. Alice grabbed my hand and squeezed it a little too tightly.

"You will not," she insisted and placed the dress across my arm. "Put it on, _now". _I frowned but went to the bathroom and did as she said.

We had half an hour to spare when I was finally in the dress and shoes, with my hair left in its' natural curls. I was sweating. The dress didn't look too bad; I was just worried about the shoes. I wasn't the world's most careful person and I found it hard to walk in flat shoes without finding something to trip over. Alice appraised me as I came down the stairs and met her in the living room where she was talking with my mum. My dad had called in forty-five minutes earlier and was probably now in Billy's house getting ready to watch the 'football'.

"You look great, Bella, don't freak about it," Alice persisted as I nervously smoothed down the back of the dress. "Edward will be here soon to pick you up". My mother frowned; it had been a sore subject when we'd discussed which car I would go in.

"What are you wearing, Alice?" Her face fell.

"A dress Esme bought for me last summer". Her face was tight.

"This is a first- Alice Cullen going to a party in something she's worn before!" Her thin nostrils flared slightly.

"We're not all lucky enough to have the advantage of Edward's generosity," she said sorely and I laughed. The doorbell rang and my heart skipped a beat.

"I'll get it," I insisted and flew to the door. I pulled it open and admired the lean, muscular figure standing before me. Even though I had heels on, he was still several inches taller than me and I had to look up to see his beautiful face. It was drizzling slightly and the droplets of rain clung to his bronze hair, sparkling like diamonds. He was wearing a suit and I was surprised; I hadn't realised it was a black tie event. He smiled as I surveyed his splendour.

"You look stunning," he remarked, his voice soft. I bit my lip and he chuckled. "Of course, you always do". He placed his hands on either side of my face, gently brushing his long fingers against my cheekbones. I shivered; the rain had made them freezing. He bent his head slowly and pressed his lips against mine. They were cold too, but I welcomed them and kissed him feverishly. They warmed immediately. His tongue was against my mouth too and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him closer to me. His hands slithered slowly down my back, clutching me even tighter to him. They reached my hips and he shifted me so that I was leant against the porch wall, his lithe stature looming over me. His cool, hard stomach was moulded around mine and I trembled. His lips were demanding now; furious and almost as craving as mine. A small cough interrupted our embrace. I gritted my teeth, annoyed at the disturbance. Edward sighed and broke away from me. I had half a mind to grasp his jacket to keep him close to me, but I saw that Alice was stood right behind us and I surrendered. Edward kept hold of me as we turned to his pixie-like sister. He eyed her dress hesitantly.

"Not a new outfit, Alice? That's a first". I laughed as he used my earlier words. She folded her arms.

"Had I not been told by our father to exercise some control when it came to your credit card, believe me- I would be wearing eleven new dresses". Edward chuckled.

"Maybe it's for the best," he said. "Bella looks beautiful enough for two people". I blushed.

"Why the suit?" I asked him.

"You may not like making an effort, Bella, but it _is _a formal party". I was relieved; I'd thought it might just be me who was dressed up. The doorbell rang again and I leant into the porch to open it. A dark man was sat in a wheelchair with a tall, bulky man at the handles. It took me a few seconds to realise that this 'man' was actually a year younger than me and was Jacob Black, the childhood friend that my mother had been trying to pair me with for years. His father, Billy, grinned at me from his chair. I smiled widely back at them both and tapped Edward slightly so that there would be more room for them to enter the hallway. As Jacob pushed his father through the door, Edward's jaw tightened and he shifted me slightly so that he was stood as a barrier between me and the guests. I frowned, perplexed as I realised that Alice's grudge with the Blacks seemed something that ran in the Cullen family.


	7. Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade

**A/N: The usual thanks to my reviewers! Let me know what you think of this chapter, please.**

**P.S: The lyrics below are from 'I was broken' by Marcus Foster and I thought it was a good analogy for Bella being torn between Edward (light) and Jacob (shade). **

_**Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade**_

Jacob's presence ruined the evening to say the least. Edward and I stuck to the plan of arriving at the party in his car but by the end of the journey I was beginning to wish we'd changed it. He sat, sullen and still in the driver's seat, not even making noise to breathe. His knuckles were stretched taut around the wheel and I was, for the first time, scared of him. His eyes were dark and brooding; something I'd find attractive in him in happier circumstances. Neither of us broke the silence until we stepped out of the car at the club. I could hear the music blasting from inside and strobe lights were dancing on the pavement. I would normally have panicked at the prospect of dancing, but I had bigger things to worry about.

I couldn't understand what the problem was. Jacob had seemed just a perturbed by the Cullen's company as they were by his and even his father, Billy, glared at Edward with foreboding eyes. I desperately wanted to ask Edward what had gone on between them, but seeing his jaw clamped so tightly made me want to run more than anything. He locked his Volvo with a click of the key and strode straight past me towards the club. I was outraged yet I slugged along behind him. He didn't hold the door for me when we were inside; instead he just let it swing back so that it nearly hit me in the face. I could have overlooked it, but he continued his glum march until he reached a sofa in the corner, where he sat and pinched the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger. I contemplated joining him but I saw my mother already at the bar and approached her instead.

"Hey Bells," she said sadly as I sat on a stool beside her. She was sipping a vodka and tonic morosely.

"What's up?" I asked. She nodded towards the door, where my dad was stood next to Billy's chair laughing at something somebody had said.

"Billy told your dad two weeks ago! He's known all along". I chuckled.

"He'd have guessed anyway. I think having to sign for a delivery of 50 posters emblazoned with his face was a _bit_ of a giveaway," I giggled and my mum joined in.

"I suppose, I just wanted it to be a nice surprise for him, y'know? We don't have enough spontaneity in this family," she insisted. I spotted Jacob winging his way over and instinctively glanced towards where Edward had been sitting. He was still there, only his eyes were fixed on the man-like boy approaching me. I took my eyes off him and watched as Jacob slid into a seat next to me. I smiled widely- not just for Edward's benefit, but also because Jacob was a very easy person to be happy with. He returned my welcome.

"Swan! Long time no see," he exclaimed and I groaned.

"I do have a first name, you know," I replied with a frown which quickly became a grin as he barked a deep laugh.

"Sorry, _Isabella_," he teased and I punched his shoulder lightly. "The party's booming, huh". I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not because, to me, the party was big enough. There were around 80 people crammed into the club, including the entire Cullen family. I soon lost sight of Edward as more guests flocked in.

"Yup".

"Your boyfriend not had the decency to buy you a drink?" He asked with a tight smile.

"I don't know where he is, to be honest. He walked off from me before," I replied honestly. Jacob smiled slightly and pulled a few notes from his back pocket.

"_I'll _buy you a drink," he said firmly.

"That won't be necessary," said a frosty voice from behind me. I didn't have to turn to know who it was, even though the coldness of his tone was unfamiliar to me. Jacob shifted in his chair to face Edward who was half hidden by shadows.

"Sorry Cullen- first come, first serve". I stared at Jacob in disbelief; I couldn't understand the smugness of his voice.

"Then I believe that I got to Bella _long_ before you did," Edward replied, the same arrogance colouring his tone. I stood abruptly.

"I'm getting sick of this. The two of you can sort things out between yourselves. I'm not sitting here like Piffy on a rock bun while you bicker like old ladies. And Edward," I spat, turning my body to speak to him directly, "do _not_ speak about me as if I'm something you own!" I stomped away from them both, fuming. I knew it was perhaps slightly childish of me to storm off in a mood, but wasn't that exactly what Edward had just done to me? Someone caught up with me quickly and wrapped a firm hand around the top of my arm. I cried out as the fingers closed tighter.

"Bella, wait! Don't walk off from me for something your _boyfriend_ did". Jacob hissed the word as if it was blasphemy.

"I'm not blaming either of you, I just don't understand," I gasped as his fingers continued to grip my arm. His fingers were really digging in now.

"He should tell you- ask him to tell you what he did. What his _father_ did". His voice was slurred and his eyes were losing focus as he spoke.

"Jacob, are you drunk?" I asked appalled. I tried to wrench my arm out of his grasp but he just held on tighter. "Jacob, you're hurting- please let go!" I panted, trying with all my might to shake him off. Instead of listening, he did the same to my other arm with his other hand. I was biting my lip to keep from yelling out in pain and was getting pretty scared of him. I desperately searched for Edward but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Ask your _boyfriend_ what he did to my family last year. Go find him and ask him," he commanded and I nodded wildly.

"Yes, yes I will Jake! But please, _let go of me!_" He finally complied and kissed my cheek roughly before striding away from me. I stood, in the centre of the room, in my beautiful dress, feeling hideous as ever. Tears began streaming down my face and I was instantly ashamed of myself. I knew it was stupid to cry, but I'd been so terrified that Jacob was going to do something to me in his drunken state. I didn't move for a long time and instead just watched all my family and my dad's friend dancing madly with each other. An hour ago, I'd been blissfully happy and now it seemed like I had a _lot_ to confront Edward about.

I didn't find him for the rest of the evening and eventually just walked out of the club to sit on a bench outside. It was right beside his car so I was able to check that he wasn't waiting in it. I took my right arm and examined the deep bruises that were beginning to form around the top of it. Cold fingers suddenly fit themselves into these marks but it was easy to see that they had been made by fingers a lot chubbier. I jumped slightly at Edward's touch.

"What has he done to you?" He growled furiously. I jerked my arm out of his hand.

"Nothing," I said quietly. He examined me for a long moment and eventually sat down beside me and took my face in his hands.

"What has he done to you?" He demanded again, but gently this time. Panic suddenly removed every trace of anger from his eyes. "You've been crying?" I wiped my face but knew I couldn't lie to him.

"Yes," I said simply. He wiped beneath each of my eyes softly.

"What has happened to you, Bella?" I hesitated.

"Nothing, really," I insisted but he raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. "Jacob was drunk, I think. He grabbed me and started shouting at me that I should ask you what you did. He didn't let go for a while". His face was hostile and livid again.

"He hurt you," he stated, his tongue harshly wrapping around the words, whipping them out at me like an accusation. "You should have come for me". I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Yeah and where would I have found you? I've been looking for you for about an hour, Edward. I wanted you and you weren't there, so don't start blaming me," I retorted angrily.

"I'm not blaming you, Bella. I'm just saying that you shouldn't have sided with Jacob Black over me. Maybe then I _would_ have been there". I struggled to pull away from his body. I was incredibly hurt and I could feel the tears welling over again. I spoke before my voice became completely useless.

"So the reason you haven't been with me tonight is because I chose to talk to an old friend? So if something really bad had happened to me, like Jacob had got a bit carried away and raped me," – he flinched – "what would you have said then? Would that have been my fault too? I _chose_ to talk to him so I _chose_ the consequences?" Edward's face was horrified.

"Bella, no, of course not! _Did_ he do anything like that to you?"

"No. But I don't think you really would have cared if he had. You'd probably only enjoy the trouble he'd get into". I stood and walked away from him- again. He didn't follow me this time and I was glad; the tears were flowing freely now and sharp sobs were breaking out. It felt like my relationship with Edward had suddenly come to an abrupt standstill.

**Okay so I know both Edward and Jacob are being slightly arsehole-ish but it will all wrap up later on in the story. What do you think?**


	8. Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin

**A/N: I've not been getting many reviews lately so it's making me wonder whether anyone's actually enjoying this story =S Even so, I am and I'm writing it mainly for my own benefit. Just let me know what you think even if you hate it, please. I like to know what I'm doing right, if anything. **

_**Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?**_

I wanted to leave the party straight after my argument with Edward but my mother insisted on us staying until every last guest had gone home. There was a lot of awkwardness when the Cullen family came to personally wish my dad a 'happy birthday' before they left. Carlisle and Esme were the first to approach us.

"Charlie," exclaimed Carlisle, shaking my dad's hand, "it's been a while, hasn't it?" My dad nodded enthusiastically and then launched into a blow by blow account of the previous evening's football scores. Esme grimaced and turned to me and my mum.

"We'll be here all night now," she teased. "How are you, Bella?" I didn't know how to answer her. My face was bright red from crying and I didn't know if she was aware of the argument. I shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm good, thanks". I avoided her eyes but could see that she raised her brows sceptically.

"Really? Even though my fool of a son has treated you badly tonight?" I pursed my lips to keep from crying again. I looked at her face and it was pained. "You know, I've waited a long time for something to happen between you and Edward. Even _friendship_ would have made me happy because the two of you never really seemed to hit it off. So when he came home positively beaming and telling me that he was dating you, I was immensely pleased. I'm extremely disappointed that he's turned on you tonight just because the Black family was here". I saw an opportunity to find out what had gone on.

"Yeah, what is that whole thing about?" Esme glanced around nervously and then took my arm and led me to a quiet corner. We sat down on the stools that were arranged there.

"Last summer, Edward came home with a new girlfriend. Her name was Leah- you might have known her". I ran memories through my head.

"Leah Clearwater?" I asked, stunned; I'd never had her down as Edward Cullen 'material'. But then again, I hadn't had myself down as it either. Esme nodded and continued.

"Things were great for a couple of weeks but then we got a call from the school. Edward had gotten into a fight with a boy from the reservation outside the school gates. Carlisle and I went to collect him and he told us that this boy had been saying that Leah was _his_ girlfriend. I told Edward that he should end things with Leah to prevent any future arguments but he refused. So they dated for the next few weeks until Carlisle rang me from the hospital saying that Edward had been in a car crash". I was even more stunned. Leah Clearwater had died in a car crash last year. Was it possible that it was the same one that Edward was in?

"I never knew Edward was in a car accident," I muttered.

"We kept it quiet because of what happened. Anyway, I arrived at the hospital and you cannot imagine what I felt. Looking at my beautiful son's broken body was bad enough, but then seeing that in the bed next to him was the dead body of his girlfriend ... well ... it nearly broke me, too". I couldn't wrap my head around what she was saying.  
"Edward was in the car when Leah died?" Esme shook her head sadly.

"Edward was _driving_ the car when Leah died". I bit my lip to keep from responding inappropriately. I glanced over at where his perfect family were stood talking to my parents. Emmett, impossibly huge, stood with his arm around his flawless girlfriend Rosalie. I'd only met Rosalie three times because she and Emmett spent most of their time travelling. Emmett I'd seen more frequently only because he'd always been the one delegated to giving me a ride home when I'd been round to their house. He was lovely despite his intimidating size. Then there was the tiny Alice with her face glued to her wiry, blonde boyfriend- who was Rosalie's brother- Jasper. And behind them all, looking very much as if he might cry himself, the God-like Edward. He wasn't looking at anyone; his eyes were fixed on the floor, emptied of everything that made him Edward Cullen. I had a feeling he knew what Esme was telling me.

"So ..." I struggled with my words, "Edward _killed_ Leah Clearwater?" My voice broke slightly.

"If you want to look at it like that then, yes, I suppose he did". Esme's voice was more confident now. "But you know Edward better than I do. So answer me this, do you think Edward would kill anyone? Do you think Edward _could_ kill his own girlfriend?" I didn't hesitate.

"No. He would never," I answered confidently and Esme smiled a little smugly.

"So I don't look at my son and see a driver who killed his passenger. I see a driver who very nearly killed himself. It's unfortunate that the crash led to Leah's death, but I cannot blame Edward entirely". I was confused now.

"But, if Edward was driving when the car crashed then surely ..." I didn't want to finish.

"Three witnesses claimed that they saw a blonde female driving the car when it spiralled out of control. Three witnesses with no priors and no connection to each other. Tell me that what they saw was wrong and I will tell you that my son is guilty of manslaughter".

"So, that means that Edward covered for her," I concluded.

"Edward has never admitted it to us, so I can't say for certain why he did it". I looked again at the boy who looked more defenceless than ever. His green eyes suddenly met my curious gaze and they were helpless. I forced myself to look back to Esme.

"But, what does this have to do with the Blacks?" I asked shakily.

"The boy who claimed that Leah was _his _girlfriend was Jacob Black". My mouth dropped open.

"But, surely this would have gone to court, right?"

"Sue Clearwater, Leah's mother, knows what we do. She persuaded Harry to settle things out of court".

"The police, though. Leah _died_. Surely they'd have done something?"

"If everyone refuses to testify, what can the police do? My family owes much to Sue Clearwater; if it had gone to court, Edward would have pleaded guilty. You know that as well as I do". She was right; Edward was a classic martyr. "It's understandable that the Blacks hold a grudge". I nodded. "Anyway, since that day, Edward's never kept a girlfriend for very long. I think he's too scared to get close to someone after what happened". My heart took over from my head and I found myself striding over to where Edward was standing. He watched me as I came closer and a tear escaped his eye as I stood in front of him. I wiped it away with my hand and he leaned his face into my palm. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. His arms snaked around my waist too and he kissed the top of my head. I knew he would be crying still.

"Bella," he choked out, "I'm so sorry- for everything". There was so much authenticity in his voice that I knew he wasn't just apologising for this evening, he was apologising for anything that might have made him a bad person. But he wasn't a bad person and I couldn't find the words to tell him so. "No matter how long I live, I will never stop seeing Leah's face that night". I found some strength within me to reply, but it was difficult.

"Leah Clearwater's death was _not_ your fault," I insisted and he sighed, stroking my hair. We stood in each other's arms for a while.

"I love you Swan," he said quietly and my heart swelled to three times its' normal size. The use of my second name, which had once seemed such an impersonal gesture from him, now became intimate.

**Let me know what you think, please. I think this chapter really shows you what Edward is truly like behind all pretences. I know Leah dying is a bit 'out there' but I wanted it to be a character that people knew. Review :)**


	9. Chapter 9: I've been dying inside

**A/N: Thanks again for some fantastic reviews. The best reviews are always those from people that actually let me know what they like about the story because then I know what to include more of. As I said in the previous chapter- I am writing this story for myself. However, as I get more and more reviews, I'm realising that it's not just me who has been searching for something decent about Twilight to read. So a special thanks to 'Absolutely Cullen', 'BellaAndEdwardForLife' and 'KCAkaAlice' whose reviews for chapter 8 made me smile :) Thanks also to 'twilight611' and 'maggie' who unfortunately I cannot reply to personally.**

_**I've been dying inside little by little**_

"Morning beautiful," whispered a soft melodic voice from beside me. I shifted slightly and felt a pair of strong, cool arms wrapped around me. My head- and half my body for that matter- was resting on a bare chest that was pale ivory and flawlessly smooth. I traced the contours of the muscles gently with my fingertips and the chest quivered slightly under my touch.

"Edward," I croaked and his long fingers weaved themselves through my hair, untangling it gently. "I'm sorry about last night. For walking off like a kid". Although the previous evening was foggy, I was still able to drag up the memories of acting like a five-year old.

"It's me who should be grovelling all day, Bella. I treated you worse than a _dog_ by leaving you alone like that. I let my fight with the Blacks get in the way of my feelings for you. I was so overcome with rage, with _panic_, that I let your face disappear. It became just Jacob and me; the rest of the world disappeared. And seeing his face made me see Leah's and I had to do something. I should have explained everything to you, but I was so scared," he admitted quietly.

"Scared of _what?"_

"Of losing you". I sat upright and placed my hand under his chin, lifting it up. His emerald eyes glinted but it wasn't with his usual self-confidence; it was with terror. I suddenly realised just how much I meant to him.

"You will _never_ lose me. That is a promise," I insisted confidently.

"I did though. For an hour or so last night, I _did_ lose you," his voice was subdued and held traces of the sadness from last night.

"Only because you were a jerk. Which you never normally are, so it's fine".

"It isn't fine, Bella. I thought things were over for good between us last night and it scared me half to death. Realising what it's like to live without you, now that I've known life with you in it, isn't nice at all. I will _never_ do anything that would put us in that position again," he swore.

We lay on my bed holding each other for at least an hour. It wasn't an awkward silence; it was content. I listened to his steady breathing and felt the rise and fall of his muscular chest and it relaxed me. My parents knew that Edward was in my room; they'd agreed to let him stay after Esme had insisted that he and I talk things through. My dad had spent an hour inflating the airbed but, in his drunken state, had left it sagging at one end. It wasn't difficult to persuade Edward to climb in next to me. Nothing had happened because Edward wasn't like that; he would never ask me for anything more than I offered. It wasn't that I didn't want Edward and me to go further than simply kissing; I just didn't think that either of us was ready for it. I was too scared to ask him if he'd done it before, but I had a feeling he had. Whether it had meant anything or not was a completely different matter altogether.

So when we heard sleepy groans from the next room as my parents woke, presumably with splitting headaches, Edward kissed my forehead softly before shifting my weight off him and creeping onto the airbed. My dad was the first to poke his head through the door. He eyed my scrunched up face and Edward's peaceful 'sleeping' figure stretched out on the make-shift bed and tip-toed quietly into the room.

"You okay Bells?" He whispered. I nodded and he continued to watch Edward. "Quite a party last night, huh?"

"Yeah, dad, it was great," I lied.

"Uh-huh, your mum really pulled out all the stops". He smiled at me. "Thanks for helping her Bells". I merely nodded again; I couldn't remember having anything to do with the organisation.

"That's fine dad. I'm real glad you had a good time". He grinned again and turned to walk out but then seemed to remember something.

"Your mum and I and going out for a bit this afternoon so you'll have to amuse yourself".

"Okay ... I don't mind".

"No, I bet you don't," said knowingly. "And don't think I don't know where _he_," he nodded to Edward, "really spent the night". He winked at me as I blushed. My eyes immediately flitted to Edward as soon as he'd shut the door. Edward sat up straight and stretched. The covers slid down as he did so and I marvelled once again at his unblemished physique. His chest was completely even apart from the delicate outlines of his muscles. His arms were huge, much more so than they seemed under his t-shirts, with unadulterated biceps. I'd seen his brother Emmett's bare body too and his muscles were probably twice the size of Edward's but much more unnatural. Edward looked effortless whereas Emmett looked painful. The insides of his forearms were lusciously silky with subtle veins leading straight from the crease at his elbow to his wrist. He caught me staring and stood self-consciously. He cleared his throat and bent down to pick up his shirt.

"Sorry," I said. He stood upright again.

"For what?" He asked.

"Making you feel uncomfortable". He dropped his shirt and crossed the room to me. I was still sat on my bed so he towered over me. He took the tops of my arms and pulled me gently so that I was standing with him. I winced slightly as he caught the bruises inflicted by Jacob and he chafed my arm softly when he noticed. It was my turn to feel incredibly self-conscious as I stood in my grey pyjama shorts and a white tank top. He bent his head and brushed his lips along my jaw.

"You don't make me feel uncomfortable; I just don't understand why I'm beautiful to you". My head was completely elsewhere as his cool breath tickled my neck.

"You're beautiful to everyone," I muttered when I was finally able to string together the words floating round my head.

"As are you," he said simply. He moved me away from him slightly so that he could speak to me without me having to lean my neck right back to see him. "You can look at my chest all day if you like- you're the only person I will happily allow to do so". I heard the smile in his voice before I could even see it. He flashed his perfect white teeth at me as I placed my hands on his torso and stroked gently. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. The phone began trilling its' irritating ring but I didn't bother- nothing could spoil my current bliss.

**I know the ending seems pretty final but it's only in case I decide to have a little break over the Christmas period. I might write chapter 10 tomorrow but it depends on how interesting my presents are haha. So don't worry, there is plenty more to come. Not a lot happened in this chapter but I made it just to tie up the few loose ends. I'm not sure what I want to happen next so please let me know! Review please :)**


	10. Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me

**A/N: Thanks so much for your patience and for the wonderful reviews I've been getting. To make up for the delay in posting this chapter, I've made it a little longer than the others. Enjoy and review please :) If I get more reviews than normal then I'll try and make a few other chapters longer too.**

**P.S: I wasn't sure if anyone understood the meaning behind the lyrics I use and how they relate to the chapter, so I've decided to explain them starting from chapter 11.**

_**If this is how it has to be, just promise you won't forget me**_

It took a good fifteen minutes of the phone relentlessly shrilling through the house before Edward insisted that I answer it. I reluctantly removed myself from his embrace. He remained lying across my bed while I trudged downstairs, cursing whoever was calling for the interruption.

"Hello?" The replying voice was as shrill as the ringer on the phone.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could speak to Edward Cullen, please". I stuttered incoherently.

"This isn't Edward's home," I eventually replied. The girl giggled.

"Oh, I know, but I was told he'd be here".

"By who?" I was getting irritated now. By the sounds of the sighs, so was the girl. _Good_, I thought.

"Well, I called his house. Twice. When someone _finally_ answered, I was told that he'd be at Bella's. I asked who Bella was and I got her last name eventually. Then I looked her up in the phonebook".

"You sound pretty desperate to talk to Edward," I muttered angrily.

"Well, yeah. Is Bella you?"

"Yes". She seemed frustrated by my short answers.

"Okay, Bella. Put Edward on the phone, please," the girl demanded rudely. My nostrils flared as I got even more annoyed.

"Look, this is not Edward's house. If you want to speak to him, call his house again later. I'm not running a bloody information service here, y'know!" I slammed the phone down, breathing heavily. Edward's light footsteps padded softly down the stairs and he took me in his arms. His chest was still bare and no amount of fury could distract me from the beauty.

"You were shouting?" He asked tentatively. I sighed.

"Yeah. Some girl was on the phone for you". Edward frowned as he stroked my hair. His hands lingered on the small of my back and he hitched me a little closer to him before he bent down and kissed me. I was instantly on fire but before I could get dizzy he pulled back, scowling.

"What girl?"

"So there's more than one who would look up my name in the phonebook just to get hold of you, is there?" He grimaced.

"There's _no_ girl who would need to speak to me that urgently". His voice was marred with confusion.

"She sounded pretty," I admitted quietly. He returned to stroking my hair.

"_Pretty_ holds no attraction for me, now that I've experienced the crème de la crème," he insisted. I giggled at his French accent. He laughed with me and it was a sweet sound. "Don't worry about her, Bella. Whoever she is," he added with a glower.

With my parent's absence, Edward and I spent most of the morning lay on their double bed. It was a lot comfier than my single and Edward was hardly little. In the double, he was able to rest his arm beneath his head with his other wrapped casually around me. My head was nestled into his chest and occasionally he would shift his position slightly so that he could kiss me. We were completely content. I spent the hours thinking about the two of us and I blushed slightly as a thought from earlier came back to me. Unfortunately, he'd chosen that moment to lean across and kiss me, so he noticed my embarrassment.

"What did I do?" He asked, immediately shouldering the blame. I shook my head, grimacing. "Bella?" He asked, brushing his cold fingers against my cheek. I thought for a moment before speaking.

"I was just wondering about you and your previous girlfriends," I said timidly. His body froze.

"What exactly were you wondering about?" He said tightly.

"Mainly how you spent your time with them". My blush deepened.

"Ahh," he sighed uncomfortably. "You don't mean general hobbies ... do you?" I bit my lip.

"No". He hesitated.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm just ... curious," I lied. I was more worried than curious.

"Curious as to who I've slept with and who I haven't?" I grew even redder.

"If you want to put it like that, yes".

"None of them. Every girl that you know I've been out with, I never went farther than kissing," he said prudently.

"Seriously? Not even Lauren?" His face contorted with what I took to be disgust.

"Please, give me some credit, Bella". I smiled, relieved, until I considered his words. Every girl I _knew_ he'd been out with, he'd said. What about the ones I didn't know about?

"And, the girlfriends that I don't know?" I asked, suddenly scared. I didn't know what I was so terrified of. Edward was unbelievably gorgeous and it was naive of me to expect that he'd never had sex. I cringed silently at the word with jealousy.

"I don't want to upset you," he said quietly, pulling me tighter to him and kissing my hair.

"I just ... want to know".

"Before Leah, there was a girl who I liked very much. Her name was Tanya".

"And you slept with her?"

"I had sex with her, yes". He saw my nose wrinkle. "I wish there was a nicer way of putting it, but I thought if I said I'd 'made love' with her, then it would make it sound like it meant more than it did".

"It meant little to you?" I wasn't sure whether this was what I wanted or not.

"No, it meant a lot. I cared for Tanya very much. But it was just sex. It was just something that we did that was ... pleasant," he laughed bitterly. "But it was not making love. I believe that there _is_ a difference," he added when I raised my eyebrows sceptically. "I don't know what you hoped to achieve by hearing all this, Bella, love".

"I just wanted to know you a little better," I eventually said.

"I think there were other ways to go about that," he chuckled.

"So this Tanya, she's the only one?" I asked.

"Yes," he said firmly. I looked deep into his eyes and knew he was telling me the truth. I was very relieved. I didn't want him to have slept with most of his girlfriends and then have to settle with me.

"And, what about us?" I asked the question that was bubbling demandingly on my lips.

"I would only ever do something that you wanted, Bella. Don't worry about it," he insisted, stroking my jaw. "Is that what all this has been about?"

"Sort of. I just don't want you to feel like you have to wait for me".

"I don't feel like I have to do anything. And neither should you". I smiled, relieved; I'd made up my mind.

"Edward, now," I demanded. "I love you, I want you, _now_," I said again. His face was confused and he pulled away from me slightly.

"Bella, I don't understand," he mumbled as I pressed my lips against his. His arms wound fiercely around my hips and he lifted me so that I was sat between his legs. "Don't, Bella," he muttered, but I could tell that his words had no fight in them.

"Why not? This is what I want to do".

"I want you to be sure; I don't want you to rush. Not like this," he whispered shakily as I ran my hands down his waist.

"I am sure". He gave in and began moving his lips along my neck hungrily. I turned my attention to my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. He helped me and then returned to kissing me. My hands lingered across his chest and he shivered, whispering my name before running his long fingers across my own chest. His tongue entered my mouth eagerly and I pressed my whole body against the entirety of his. I was overwhelmed with the desire to have him.

We lay together, panting, afterwards. His face was of absolute bliss and every so often he would smile to himself. I couldn't keep the grin off my face either.

"Is that what you truly wanted?" He asked nervously.

"Yes," I insisted.

"I would have waited for you, you know".

"You did wait. I was ready and you waited until that moment. Thank-you, Edward," I said quietly, smiling _again_. His hands clutched my waist tightly.

"When will your parents be home?" He asked.

"I'm not sure, my dad never said".

"I don't have to leave yet then, do I?" He enquired, worry colouring his tone.

"Not if you don't want to". The phone rang. "Eurgh," I complained.

"It could be your parents," he reminded me.

"Yeah, I should answer it". It was a good few seconds before I moved, though. I slipped my clothes on quickly. The ringing stopped but picked up again shortly after. I reached it this time.

"Hello?" The answering voice made the vein in my head throb with annoyance.

"Hey, I really need to speak to Edward. It's life or death basically".

"Yeah, that's too bad," I was about to hang up on her again when she started shouting.

"Look, _Bella_, I don't know who you are or _why_ Edward would be at your house but I'm prepared to keep calling all night if that's what it takes to get hold of him," her voice was malicious and sneering now. Edward suddenly joined me and stroked my hair while I replied.

"_Fine_. I have better things to do than argue with a stranger. Why don't you tell me your name and I'll let Edward know he has a call," I said through my teeth.

"They want me again?" He mouthed. I nodded sourly. He held out his hand for the phone.

"Tell him it's Tanya," said the high voice on the receiver. The volume was up loud enough for him to hear and he froze; his eyes boring into mine. It was the same look he'd taken on when he'd discussed 'losing' me earlier on. I eventually caught up. _Tanya_. Probably the one girl, apart from me and Leah, that Edward had actually cared about. I bit my lip, instantly worried.

**I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking about having either a new chapter from Edward's point of view, of re-writing an earlier chapter in Edward's point of view. Let me know what you think.**


	11. Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you

**A/N: Thanks for some brilliant reviews for chapter 10- everyone really seemed to enjoy that chapter. I wonder why ;] Review chapter 11 just as nicely please. As I said previously, I'm going to be explaining the lyrics from now on.**

_**I swear to god by Christmas time there'll be someone else to hold you**_

_-From Ruby's Arms by Tom Waits. Bella is worried that she's going to be replaced by Tanya but she doesn't want Edward to have to make the choice between the two of them, so she's going to sacrifice herself. The lyrics relate to this chapter because she doesn't want Edward to feel he's lost anything; he'll have a replacement soon enough._

Edward's slender hand closed around the receiver and he cleared his throat nervously before greeting Tanya. His eyes never left my face.

"Hello, Tanya," he said through his teeth. I was close enough to him to be able to hear her replies, but I didn't want to, so I pulled myself out of his grasp and padded upstairs quickly; I was determined not to storm like a kid again. I knew I shouldn't be so touchy. After all, Edward was with me and I knew him well enough to be sure he would never do anything behind my back. I didn't even know what this Tanya girl wanted; it could be something harmless. But her lilting voice was drummed into my head and I could still hear her cocky snarls as she demanded Edward. I pursed my lips to keep from getting too annoyed.

"You shouldn't have called here, Tanya". Edward's velvet tones drifted up the staircase and he was speaking with urgency and anguish. "When you couldn't reach me at my house then it was evident I was busy". Tanya must have wanted something really badly. Everything seemed to fit into place at once. _Oh God_, I thought as I realised what she wanted. What if she was _pregnant_? I spat the word through my thoughts and gasped, panicked. She was ringing to let Edward know that he had fathered her child. It was obvious and I could come to no other conclusion. My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces but I didn't care; I made no attempt to calm myself down. Edward would have to leave me and be with Tanya and their child. He would do the right thing. I didn't realise how hard I was biting my lip until blood flooded my mouth. The taste of rust and salt made me queasy and I let my legs buckle. I slid slowly down my bedroom wall and remained hunched on the cream carpet. I was shaking and wanted nothing more than to be in Edward's arms, to have him insisting that everything would be fine. But everything would not be fine because Tanya was pregnant and I would be pushed out.

I must have blacked out because Edward was clutching me frantically a while later. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief when my eyelids fluttered open. I was momentarily pleased that he was holding me until I remembered what was happening. Tears stung in my eyes and I struggled away from him gasping broken sobs.

"Bella?" His voice was incredibly anxious. I didn't answer and instead continued to fight his grip. "Bella what is it?" He demanded. I shot a frenzied glance around my room. There was blood on my carpet and my lamp was broken on the floor.

"It's okay, Edward. I understand," I said calmly. It was difficult to compose my voice but as long as it was best for him, I managed it.

"I'm glad someone does," he barked a frantic laugh. His beautiful face was pulled into an expression of utter confusion.

"I know you have to do what's right for the baby- for everyone. I won't stand in the way of that. If I leave you now, then you won't feel like you have to make the choice between Tanya and the baby ... and me," I finished half-heartedly. I hung my head sadly and after a moment or two, he placed a long finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to meet his.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what in the world are you talking about?" Even through his panic, his voice was perfectly articulated and gentle. I wondered how many times he would make me say this.

"Tanya and the ... baby". He pulled an appalled, disgusted face; it was attractive on him.

"Tanya doesn't have a baby, silly! God, she'd make an awful mum," he added, chuckling slightly.

"But ... that was why she called. Right?" His eyes widened as he considered my words from before more carefully.

"You thought that this 'baby' was mine?" He whispered. I nodded and he drew in a breath sharply. "I told you that I was with Tanya before Leah ... died". He struggled with the last word. "That was over a year ago". I did the simple maths in my head. There was no conceivable way that Tanya could be pregnant with Edward's baby unless he'd slept with her after the time he had said. And I knew he wouldn't lie to me. I sighed, relieved.

"Thank God. You don't know how scared I was". He held me tight against his still bare chest.

"Is that what the blood was for?" He asked, glancing towards the tiny splatters on the carpet. I shook my head, laughing. It was a slightly nervous laugh though.

"I wasn't slitting my wrists or anything, don't worry". He smiled but I saw him shoot an inconspicuous glance at my arms. I laughed again. "I'm not a self harmer, Edward! I was biting my lip a little too hard," I admitted sheepishly. His fingers traced along my bottom lip which now stung and I assumed would be a bloody mound of bruise by now.

"I'll get you something for that," he insisted, making to stand up. I grabbed his arm.

"No, I'm fine, stay with me," I requested and he complied as he saw the worry on my face; I didn't like being apart from him.

"Today has been endless," he sighed, stroking my lip again. It tickled slightly but the coolness of his fingertips soothed the swelling.

"Certain parts have been ... nice," I said with a blush. He chuckled.

"Slightly more than _nice_. For me anyway," he admitted. I noticed his breathing getting slightly heavier. I leant my head right up to kiss him. I winced as my lip stung harshly. He returned his fingers to relieving my lip from the burning pain.

"For me as well," I said firmly.

"That's good". We sat in silence for a few moments. I swallowed before broaching the subject that I was most terrified of.

"What did she want, then? If it wasn't to inform you that she was carrying your unborn child," I said lightly.

"She's in town with her sister Irina. She wanted to know if I wanted to meet for coffee. I politely declined". I frowned.

"She went to all that trouble just to ask you if you wanted _coffee_?" He laughed cynically.

"I should have known that it was a stunt only Tanya would pull. She's slightly more than eccentric, you see," he said, scowling.

"Don't meet her Edward, please," I asked quietly. He kissed the top of my head firmly.

"She holds no interest to me any longer, Bella. I am with you and it is not necessary for me to meet up with an old girlfriend".

"Do I sound like a controlling husband beater or something?" I worried with a laugh.

"Not too much," he teased.

"I was thinking that there was something I'd very much like to do, before my parents get home". He eyed my suggestive expression with excitement. "It would take my mind off Tanya," I insisted and he pulled us both into a standing position. His lips trailed across my neck hungrily and he lifted me so that I was perched on my dresser. We were on the same level now and I could run my fingers through his hair without difficulty. The tousled bronze waves were lusciously soft and he shivered as I moved my hands to trace along his waist. He whispered my name eagerly as I hitched my legs around his body, shoving his trousers down as I did so. I gasped with both delight and surprise as he took me.

We had to dress and return the house to its' original state quickly before my parents came home. His face was still wild and ravenous and it made me laugh; however gentlemanly and polite he seemed, he was still simply a _man_.

As I sat leaning against him on the sofa, his phone bleeped twice. He pulled it out and frowned, reading a message. I craned my neck curiously.

"What's the matter?" I asked. He sighed wearily.

"Tanya is at my house. Now". I gritted my teeth.

**I thought this was a nice chapter because it shows what Bella is willing to do so Edward can make the right choices. I think it's a nice contrast to the real Twilight books because of course, it's kind of the other way round there. Just like the books though, they would both sacrifice much for each other. Let me know what you think.**

**P.S: I've decided that I am going to write the next chapter in EPOV. That way, you can see how he truly feels about Tanya. I'll be doing a couple more of those later on and then when I've finished the story, I will re-write a couple of chapters in EPOV. I would like your nominations for which chapters should be re-written so you can see them in EPOV. Please choose 3 at the most.**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth

Chapter 2: I need some distraction

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose 3 or less of these chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter! **

**-**_**Elle**_


	12. Chapter 12: Your stare swallows me

**A/N: The usual thanks for my reviews :) Remember that this chapter is from Edward's point of view. Enjoy and review please!**

_**Your stare swallows me and I can hardly breathe**_

_**-**__From Caught in a moment by the Sugababes. It's basically how Edward feels smothered by Bella's sadness in this chapter because he doesn't understand it. 'Your stare swallows me' is about how he is a part of Bella now so everything she feels is inevitably rubbed off on him. _

My stomach churned painfully as I saw the hurt which crossed Bella's face at the news of Tanya. Her full lips parted slightly and she opened and closed them several times, trying to form a sentence, I assumed. I shoved the phone back on the holder and snaked my arms around her tiny waist. I'd never noticed until today, until I'd seen her naked body and felt it with every contour of my own, just how small and fragile she really was. I leant my forehead against hers and sighed wearily. She pulled away from me and the churning became worse; she was angry with me. Her eyes were wide with fright but it was hard for me to place that terror. She turned her back on me and I had a feeling that she was crying.

"I'm overreacting, aren't I," she asked timidly. I didn't know what to say. Yes? But perhaps I only thought she was overeating because I didn't know the cause of her anguish.

"Tell me what's upsetting you," I requested and she scoffed.

"As if you have to ask!" I tried to choose my words carefully but she was beginning to irritate me. I was appalled at myself; I was never normally impatient with her. But Tanya's phone calls had shaken me too and _I_ wasn't having hysterics.

"Evidently I do," I said slowly. Bella turned slowly and her tear filled eyes bored into mine.

"Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

"Doing what?"

"Being like this with me! I had to listen to your story of how you and Tanya slept together and then lo and behold she's on the phone practically begging for you. I know you think I'm making a big fuss, Edward, but it _hurts_ to think she'll get in the way of us". I tried to calm her by gently wiping the tears from her face.

"Bella, love, relax. Tanya is just a girl that I used to go out with. She meant a lot to me at the time, but now she means nothing, Bella. _Nothing_," I insisted. I was being honest with her. Anything I had once felt for Tanya was massively dwarfed by what I now felt for Bella.

"I'm just scared of losing you, Edward. You mean too much to me". The churning in my stomach stopped and was replaced by overwhelming love for this beautiful, scared girl in front of me. I took her in my arms and kissed her. Her lips moulded to my own and my body was on fire, yearning for her. I could feel my groin aching in response to her contact. I forgot about it for the moment, though, and concentrated on making her forget her worries. Her hands fixed on my face and they trembled slightly. We stayed kissing for so long that my neck began to ache from bending down to her. I broke away from her and teased my fingers through her thick, dark hair.

"You will not lose me," I said firmly. She smiled slightly but it faltered.

"And you'll go home now?" She asked, scared again.

"Yes. And you'll come with me?" Her eyes widened again.

"I don't want to get in the way," she admitted sheepishly.

"As if, Bella. Write a note to your parents and come on," I instructed and she did so before running upstairs to get dressed. I pulled on my own t-shirt and glanced in the mirror to ensure that Emmett would not guess how we'd spent the day.

Bella seemed to calm once we were in the Volvo. She laughed with me as we spoke and blushed when I mentioned our afternoon. It warmed me to see her relaxed again. However, I was not so tranquil. Tanya was at my house, waiting for me and I was filled with dread over and over as I recalled this fact. Tanya meant nothing to me now, it was true, but I couldn't say that she felt the same about me. She'd spent the last four months hounding me with phone calls and 'coincidental' meetings which was why I'd asked Lauren Mallory out in the first place; I'd needed some excuse to not return her calls. And Tanya _had_ stopped for the duration of mine and Lauren's 'relationship' but it was clear she'd gotten wind of the break up. I pulled into my driveway and hurried to Bella's side of the car to open the door for her. Of course, being Bella, she was already half way out so all I could do was ensure she didn't _fall_ out of the car. I took her delicate hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She smiled confidently up at me and we walked in sync to the house. I didn't bother to knock and I heard her excited trill before I saw her. It sounded like she was giving a blow-by-blow account of her holiday to the Bahamas to Emmett. As we entered the living room, I saw that Tanya's back was to me and Emmett shot me a pleading glance. My mum stood to greet Bella and me and Tanya whipped around. Her strawberry blonde hair was down her back now and her pixie face had filled out slightly. She was as beautiful as ever, but with Bella at my side, it was like comparing paper to diamond. Tanya's hands clapped enthusiastically and she flung her arms around my neck. She was much taller than Bella, so her face was directly in mine without much effort. I was very aware of her lips grazing against my neck as she nestled her head. I prised her off me with as much gentility as I could muster. She beamed at me.

"Long time no see darling!" She squealed. I merely smiled and my mother coughed uncomfortably.

"I was just about to give Tanya a lift to her friend's house, where she's staying for the week," she said suggestively. I was pleased that she was warning me of Tanya's plans but my body froze as I took this in. A day of Tanya was horrendous, but a _week_? I wouldn't cope.

"Yeah," Tanya said in her sweet voice. It was sweet, but horribly unbearable. "But now _you're _here so I can stay a while longer!" Emmett groaned. I felt Bella shift uncomfortably beside me.

"Tanya, have you met Bella?" I asked innocently. Tanya's jaw clenched and she turned stiffly to the beauty at my side.

"What a lovely pet, Edward," she sneered. Before I could defend Bella, my mother was in Tanya's face, pointing.

"I have put up with your antics all afternoon, lady. Annoy me just _one_ more time and you will wish you had stayed in the glorious Bahamas with the white sands and perfect clear blue seas!" Esme was mocking Tanya and it shocked me to hear her speak to someone with other than kind words. I fought the urge to laugh. I grabbed Tanya's arm and began pulling her into the kitchen.

"I need a word with Tanya, excuse us," I muttered as Tanya protested feebly; she wanted to come with me.

"_What _are you playing at Tanya?" I demanded. She merely closed the door behind us and smiled wickedly at me.

"I was only making the nicest comment I could about that _dog_ you've brought home with you". I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Don't talk about Bella like that. She is a thousand times better than you in every way. Referring to her as those things only makes me wonder what monstrosity you see when you look in the mirror".

"The same one that you loved last year," she said coyly. I scoffed.

"That was not love". I turned my back on her and held onto the worktop to steady myself. I pictured Bella to try and calm down but it was no use. "What the hell are you doing here, Tanya? What were those phone calls about?"

"I was just reminding you of our deal," she said simply but it was enough to set my heart racing in panic.

"I am perfectly aware of our deal". She raised her eyebrows.

"Is that so? Then why am I short of $600 in my bank account?" My heart was starting to slow.

"I haven't had much time to get to the bank".

"That's two months' worth of money, Edward".

"I know. You'll have it by tomorrow afternoon". She smiled contentedly.

"Good. Please don't feel obliged to pay me though. We can end the bargain right now if you wish it".

"No. I don't wish that. It would hurt a lot of people unnecessarily". I was disgusted with myself that I'd allowed myself to be blackmailed by Tanya for so long.

"Perhaps you're right." Her lips curled into a jeering grin. I led her back into the living room and saw that my family and Bella were still frozen in their positions. For a moment I was afraid that they had heard us, but the blaring television was confirmation enough that no-one could hear anything else. I darted to Bella's side and hugged her close to me. She sighed heavily and burrowed her head into my chest.

"So, where is it that you're staying, Tanya," my mother asked rigidly.

"Mars?" Edward muttered. Tanya's mouth was playful and mocking again.

"At my friend Lauren's house. You might know her, Bella," she said, addressing Bella for the first time. "Her name is Lauren Mallory". I closed my eyelids in defeat. So the two of them were playing this game together? Bella stiffened but did not reply.

"Wonderful. She lives two minutes away," Emmett grumbled. I glanced nervously at the terrified girl I held in my arms. Would we ever catch a break?

**I'm not sure how well I wrote this chapter or if it was at all successful as far as EPOV goes. However, I do think that it's cleared up Edward's feelings towards Tanya. So what's Tanya blackmailing Edward about? Leave me your ideas in a review please. I have something in mind already, but I'm willing to take on your ideas. Also, let me know whether it's worth me writing any more new chapters in EPOV because I don't think this one went all that well.**

**Remember, I still need your votes for which chapters should be re-written in EPOV at the end. Here's a reminder of the chapters so far:**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth

Chapter 2: I need some distraction

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me

Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose 3 or less of these chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself.**

**P.S: Chapter 11 is definitely a favourite so far.**


	13. Chapter 13: Such silence

**A/N: The usual thanks for reviews, especially to the ones from none members of which unfortunately, I cannot reply to personally. I've decided that this story will be around 25-30 chapters long, so there's plenty more to come. Do you think this is too much? Let me know please. Enjoy.**

_**And the violence caused such silence**_

_-From Zombie by The Cranberries. I think it is a beautiful song and I was listening to it on repeat as I wrote this chapter. Listen to it on YouTube and people from the UK who watch the X Factor- doesn't the lead singer remind you of Diana Vickers with her voice? Anyway, I thought they were fitting lyrics because after everything that is happening with Tanya, the mental war they are waging against each other, there are no words that Edward and Bella can say to one another for comfort; they just have to accept it as a sacrifice they must make for their relationship._

It felt like the day would never end. It also felt like Tanya would kill me simply with her murderous stare. If I hadn't been sure before that she wanted Edward, I was positive now. She had eyes only for him and was constantly licking her lips and letting her perfect white teeth pinch the edge slightly. It was sickening for me but I wondered if Edward was enjoying it. I hoped not. His face was smooth and composed so I couldn't really tell but the tendons at the side of his head were protruding slightly, the way they did when he was agitated. I barely acknowledged Tanya's enthusiastic goodbyes and breathed a sigh of relief when she'd left. Edward's arms bound me tight against his chest and I felt that his heart was pounding. I wanted his beautiful face to be confident, to reassure me, but it was lost. Whatever Tanya was up to, it was making him sacrifice much. He stroked my face with his gentle hands.

"I'll be back in an hour or so, I have some errands to run," he said quietly. I didn't like the thought of staying behind with his family who would more than likely crack jokes about the whole thing, so I insisted that he take me with him.

"I'll come too". He shook his head.

"No, stay here. I won't be gone too long and it would just be a wasted journey for you". Something in his voice made me suspicious.

"Please, Edward. If I stay here then I'll only worry. You can distract me if I come with you". I was sort of lying; nothing could distract me. With the possible exception of his strong, naked body pressed hard against my delicate skin, perhaps. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind where it remained with promises of resurfacing later. He sighed exasperatedly and placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me from the house. I waved to his family and gasped as we stepped outside and the cold hit me like a thousand knives; it had begun to frost while we'd been warm inside. Goosebumps rose on my arms instantly; I didn't have a coat. Edward encased my whole body within the protective folds of his and ushered me into the stunning black car that he rarely used. It was his 'spare'- one that a lot of men would do anything just to sit in. Yet Edward used it as an occasional car; there for special events and emergencies. Sitting on the plush ivory leather of an Aston Martin, wearing jeans and a plain bottle green t-shirt, made me feel ridiculously underdressed.

"It's just a car, Bella," he muttered, noticing my grimace. The engine purred to life with a sound as soft as voice. He was completely unfazed by it though. Even I, with no more knowledge of vehicles than a gnat, knew that this car was designed specifically to create awe. His face was no different that it was when he drove my old Chevrolet. I loved him for it.

"It's a beautiful car," I qualified. He chuckled.

"It ceased to hold any beauty for me when you massively overshadowed that magnificence with your presence". It took me a while to get my head around his words but when I did, I smiled hugely. "There are many things that used to be beautiful to me but now are simply _nice_," he admitted with a hint of shyness. I leant over and kissed him passionately. My tongue ran along the surface of his perfect teeth and played with his tongue gently. I bit his lower lip gently and he groaned before yelling out.

"Christ Bella!" I jumped about ten feet in the air.

"What?" I asked, startled. But his face was twisted into absolute terror as the car began spiralling. I understood. He'd begun accelerating out of the driveway as I began kissing him. His knuckles were taut on the wheel and I seemed to see everything a thousand times more slowly than it was actually happening. I took in his wide eyes which looked over at me; he couldn't gain control of the car. He was spinning the wheel frantically as we span right out onto the main road. Cars sped past us and there were a million horns blaring as we met the traffic. Edward looked at me once more and swore loudly. I thought it was in response to the fact that we were inevitably going to crash, but then he screamed my name, truly petrified. I didn't have my seatbelt on. At the same moment that I realised this, I began flying out of my seat as the car met another. I could hear a thousand screams from the other car and from Edward. Screams also came from me as I was filled with panic. I was going to die. _We_ were going to die. My head hit the window and I didn't know which one was shattering the worst. Edward's bellows as the airbags flew out at us were tortured. The airbags had failed us, or me at the least. It was a strange feeling. I was absolutely positive that I would die and that Edward would die with me (after all, his seatbelt hadn't done much to prevent his head catapulting forwards and slamming into the dashboard), yet fear was not the worst feeling. It was loss. I was losing my family and my beautiful boyfriend and that stung. Things were beginning to return to their normal, blindingly fast pace but I sneaked one more glance at Edward, his head splintered and bloody, before closing my eyes and allowing the darkness to take me.

***

I could not wake. Wherever I was, _whatever_ I was, I could not rouse from it. My eyelids stayed firmly shut even as I willed them with all my might to open. I could not feel any part of my body so I couldn't even ensure that I was in one piece. Every sense seemed cut off and it was as if I was numbed. It was very similar to the sensation of novocaine on one's tongue at the dentist. It wasn't just numbing; it was uncomfortable and empty. I also felt heavy, _so_ heavy as if I had the weight of the world on my anaesthetised shoulders. Realising that I could not endure this vacant, deadened sensation, I succumbed and accepted that whatever I was, I was not alive.

My sense of smell returned first. It seemed so unfamiliar to me that I wondered how long I had been wherever I was. The sickly clean scent of disinfected sheets, floors- disinfected _everything_- stung my nostrils. There was no doubt that I was in a hospital. I wanted to panic but I seemed unable to let it set in. I was _dead_. I couldn't hear or see or move. I was _dead_. The face of an angel fluttered into sight, his beautiful chiselled features reminding me of the last thing I'd seen. The angel's face had been ruined, broken. Every inch of it was doused in blood and his eyes were widened with a fear that was so unlike his normally confident, cocky glint. My last sight had been spoilt, but ever beautiful. I was pleased that I had the unspoilt memory to look at though. The image calmed me and I was glad that if I couldn't see, I could at least remember and etch this picture on my eyelids. There was another scent besides the queasy hospital stench. The fragrance of soap soon accompanied me, though I remembered enough to know that it was not soap. It was the angel's own special aroma that I was sure I could recognise anyway. It remained vigilantly at my side for an endless time.

My hearing came back to me next. Things were quiet and muted at first and I guessed that it was night-time. When things began to stir however, it was then that I considered the option that I may not be dead. I could hear and I could smell and I was aware of everything. I recognised the angel and his scent and I remembered what had put me here. So I couldn't be dead, right? My mother came to my side shortly after the hospital roused. She fussed and flapped around me and I had never been so grateful to hear her voice. Then came another voice, beautiful and velvet yet husky at the same time- the angel's voice. He asked the time and my mother told him that it was 9.25am. My mother told Edward that he should go home and sleep, but he refused. My heart swelled in its' numb state. At this point, I gathered that I was in a coma. There was no other explanation. I wasn't dead yet I was unable to connect to the real world. Instead I had to hear it and smell it and remember it. But I couldn't see it or contact it. It was a very surreal feeling. Edward's breaths beside me were rattling and I guessed that he needed hospitalising himself. But of course, with me here in this state, he would put himself on the backburner. I heard a stifled sob and realised that Edward- that the angel- was crying. It was then that my entire body burned and I felt like screaming with the agony. But of course I couldn't; I couldn't move an inch. But I could now feel and it was extraordinary, albeit painful. I felt the IV in my arm and the morphine dripping uncomfortably through my veins. I could feel a cool hand holding mine in a vice-like grip and it spoke promises of never letting go.

"Please, Bella," the angel, my Edward, whispered. "Please wake up. I need you; I can't get through without you". I ached to wake and comfort him, but it was like I was swimming up through an icy lake with a downward current and one thousand bricks tied to my ankles; virtually impossible. Yet I felt so close, it was as if all it would take was a trigger that would make me stronger. I'd heard of people in comas making contact with their loved ones through blinks or hand movements. Could I do that? I didn't think so. I fought against my mind to make my hand squeeze Edward's but it was the icy lake situation again._ But_, I thought, _if you were a strong swimmer, if you were passionate enough about whatever waited for you when you broke the surface, you _could_ do it_. I was passionate enough, I decided and squeezed Edward's hand with every ounce of body strength I had. I knew that it was a weak attempt but he felt it and gasped. "Bella!" He cried. "I love you, come back to me," he demanded and placed his lips on mine. It must have been hard for him because he didn't sound in the best of health, yet he struggled to reach across the bed and was prodded with a hundred wires until he met my lips. His breath was cool and urgent down my throat and I realised that I had the sense of taste back, too. But the breaths were not even and many were weak. How selfish of me, to lie here 'sleeping' while he sacrificed medical care to watch me. As this realisation hit, I was the strong swimmer again and I broke through a thousand surfaces and crashed above the water to look at his face. He broke away from me as he felt my eyelids flutter on his cheek. It felt like I hadn't seen for weeks. Everything was vivid and stunning, especially the remarkable man in front of me. His hands stroked my face, shaking. I wondered if I could speak.

"Edward," I croaked. He smiled, tears flowing freely down his face. His head was covered completely in hairline scratched and he had butterfly stitches in many places. There was a bandage covering the top of his head and hiding his bronze hair; I wasn't happy that I couldn't see it.

"I'm here," he promised and I didn't care that the IV was nearly ripped out of my arm; didn't care that every machine I was attached to was dragged about a foot across the room as I flew to sit upright and took his face gently between my hands.

"You should be in a bed," I scolded.

"Forgive me if I had more pressing matters on my mind," he said, hanging his head. My head was foggy and everything seemed harsh now, like it got right before I got a migraine.

"How long was I out?"

"Three weeks". I was shocked; I'd thought a week at the most.

"I thought I was dead," I said quietly and he flinched slightly.

"I thought so too ... at first". I wondered what state I'd left the car in.

"Everything is a little ... misty," I explained, struggling to find the words to explain.

"Yes, you've been in a coma and that's completely normal. My dad has been treating you so I've been able to keep track of everything that's been happening". I knew Edward's love for science and he would have understood every word that his father, perhaps the most skilled doctor in the surgery, would have spoken. "I'll call for your parents and a nurse; they should know you're awake," he paused. "Do you know that there was only a 30% chance that you'd come back?" He asked curtly. I shook my head, scared at the thought of never seeing his face again. He kissed my forehead firmly and walked briskly from the room, clearly elated. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing steadily. After a moment or two, I opened my eyes and jumped. There was a blonde girl stood outside my room watching me from behind the glass. She wasn't looking around, smiling, frowning or speaking. She was simply staring right in my eyes. Tanya.

**Pretty long chapter I know and I'm not sure how good it was to be honest. I thought it was nice to keep that element of Edward's protectiveness over Bella and it will also introduce a new storyline. Next chapter will be from EPOV. I know that the last one I did of his wasn't brilliant but it's kind of necessary to know what he is thinking. I won't spoil the story completely but here's a hint: Edward's sure to carry the blame for the crash and he believes that he is a danger- a plague- to Bella. Send me your guesses on what will happen. Tanya will also find a way to get to Bella so that she can tell her everything. Review please! **

**Remember, I still need your votes for which chapters should be re-written in EPOV at the end. Here's a reminder of the chapters so far:**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth

Chapter 2: I need some distraction

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me

Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you

Chapter 12: EPOV already

Chapter 13:

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose 3 or less of these chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself.**


	14. Chapter 14: My fading voice

**A/N: Thanks again to my wonderful regular reviewers :) You make me want to continue with this story so thank-you. Also thanks to Candice who has been leaving wonderful reviews but who I cannot reply to personally. So remember, this chapter is from Edward's point of view. This chapter is fairly similar to New Moon; I hope no-one minds. **

**I thought this would be a nice challenge for those who look forward to my chapters the most:**

**Leave me a review of roughly 400 characters (give or take 50) - which isn't really that long- and I will choose my favourite review and send that person the next chapter in advance. This will apply to all my future chapters so don't worry if you don't review by the time I've posted chapter 15, which will be tomorrow night. Headline your review, 'Advance on chapter challenge' and leave your email broken up into parts (otherwise it will not show). If you don't want to leave your email publicly then send it me in a private message. I will judge this fairly and it doesn't matter if your review is positive or negative. The winner this time will have chapter 15 sent to them in an email a few hours, if not more, before I post it on Fanfiction. Thanks!**

**P.S: If you have any suggestions for lyrics that I can use in the future then feel free to leave them in a review. However, you must let me know what you think the words could mean and then I can find a way to relate them to my plot somehow. I will give you full credit for them.**

_**My fading voice sings of love**_

_From Grace by Jeff Buckley. The fading voice is a metaphor for Edward's presence fading out of Bella's life. Although he's leaving her, he does it out of love._

Relief was sweeping through me as I left Bella's side. I'd spent three weeks at her bed, watching as my father placed needle after needle in her arms and countless tubes through her nose. It was agonising to watch. Her tiny beautiful face was hidden beneath a tube in her mouth and I'd wanted nothing more than to be able to tear it off her and have her wake. But she didn't wake, not for a long time. It had been the worst three weeks of my life. So to have her finally with me and talking, it was spectacular. I left the room without glancing around and headed straight to my father's office. I burst through his door and he looked up from his paperwork, instantly panicked.

"She's awake!" I cried happily. Carlisle smiled and shook his head slowly.

"She's amazing. None of the other staff believed she'd pull through". Rage smothered me but I ignored it and practically dragged my dad to Bella's room. Dread replaced the rage as I spotted a tall strawberry blonde girl leaning across Bella. I flew to her and pulled her away by her hair. I didn't care that she was weaker than me, or that I may have hurt her. All that mattered was that she wasn't harming- or _speaking_ to- Bella. Tanya shrieked as she fell to the floor. Bella's eyes were horrified and I relaxed slightly when I saw that she was untouched. Tanya lifted herself up as I stood possessively at Bella's head. She shot daggers at me with her eyes before smiling callously.

"I was just telling Bella how lucky she was to have made it out of your attempt to kill her," she said coldly with a wicked glint in her eyes. I wanted so much to retaliate, but I couldn't. Because what Tanya was saying was true, I _had_ almost killed Bella. The one reason for my purpose, the sole thing that could make me smile, the love of my life- and I had very nearly slaughtered her in that car. But when she'd kissed me with such passion that could easily have set the car alight, my body itself was on fire. And when she had teased me with her tongue, I craved for her underneath me. I couldn't blame myself for that- I was a man after all. What I _could_ blame myself for, however, was for not checking she had her belt on, for beginning to drive when she was practically in my lap and for not managing to regain control of the car. Seeing the sheer terror in her huge eyes was unbearable as I realised that I could do nothing to prevent her flying against the window. The worst thing though, was not even seeing her accept that she was likely to die. It wasn't even thinking that she would die at my hand. It was _watching_ her. I was held captive by the seatbelt but my head had smashed against the dashboard nevertheless. Things went black for a few seconds and when I'd come to, I could see her frail body contorted into the foetal position in midair. I heard her head connect with the glass and shards flew at us both. The car we'd connected with was filled with slamming bodies too yet it seemed that Bella was in the greatest peril. Six ambulances had arrived almost instantly and I guessed that my dad had called already. He was running from the house by that point and I slipped off my seatbelt and launched myself over to where Bella lay on the leather, now stained a dark red. My hand had shaken as I stroked her hair from her face frantically; it was matted with sticky blood. Then the pain of the head blow hit me and I was doubled over seeing nothing but blackness. And then I'd had to listen to the news that the odds were against Bella ever waking up.

"Get out, Tanya," I spat. She winked at me before shimmying from the room. I felt Bella's forehead and it was clammy. "Carlisle, the drip is almost done," I told my father. He nodded and went to get some more morphine I presumed. Bella struggled to get her words out.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. If I'd never distracted you while you were driving, neither of us would be here". Pain ripped through my chest yet it was not from the head injury. Bella was shouldering the blame and I couldn't stand it. I'd nearly caused her death and she was lay, broken and bleeding, apologising to me. I thought back on all the agony I had caused her in the time that we had been together. The amount was inexcusable of me. I was supposed to _love_ her, take _care_ of her. Instead, I'd been hiding secrets from her, turning on her and almost killing her. I realised in that second what I had to do. I had to sever ties with her. As much as I loved her, as much as I felt it would kill me to do so, I had to give Bella the opportunity of a life free from the hurt that I offered. With Tanya lingering, it would give her more incentive to tell Bella everything that I was hiding. It wasn't right to keep things from my girlfriend, but this was something that I would never tell anyone. A thousand consciences screamed at me to do anything but this, but I'd made up my mind.

"You should never have done that, Bella. I'd just put my foot down for Christ's sake. What were you thinking?" I all but snarled at her. Something in her eyes made me think that this was the response she'd expected; she genuinely believed this to be her doing.

"I know. You don't know how sorry I am, Edward," she whispered. I breathed in her scent to give me courage.

"Not as sorry as I am. I need to get away from you, Bella. You very nearly caused both our deaths and if you can't control your feelings then I'm obviously not healthy for you to be around". I couldn't breathe. _What was I doing? _I loved this beautiful girl more than my life yet I was ending things with her. Then I realised that it was because I loved her more than anything else that I was sacrificing her. Her brown eyes filled with tears but she seemed to fight them back. She shook her head slowly.

"I don't care, Edward, if you're healthy for me or not! I want to be with you," she said feebly. I tried to compose my face.

"You're not healthy for _me_, Bella. I don't need this agro," I lied. She was silent for a long moment before she began nodding.

"If that's what you want," she said simply. The tears brimmed over now and she sobbed silently. I wanted nothing more than to wipe them away and comfort her but then I remembered that it wouldn't be long until I hurt her again.

"Yes". I couldn't muster any strength to say anything more without my voice breaking. I turned my back on her and walked out of the room and out of her life. I met my father on the corridor.

"I'm leaving". He didn't look all too shocked.

"I had a feeling you'd do this. But it isn't your fault, you know". I shook my head.

"No, it is. And yet I had to listen to Bella protest that it was all hers. I won't put her through all the unnecessary angst that I cause, dad". And he nodded, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Go home first," he insisted. "Take my car, say your goodbyes and then have Emmett take you to his and Rosalie's place. They won't mind you staying with them".

"Thanks dad. Promise me that you'll do everything for Bella. Make her comfortable and call me everyday- tell me how she's doing. _Please_," I requested. He promised. I left the hospital, climbed into my dad's black Mercedes and wept.

**Please let me know what you think of EPOV- good or bad? It's necessary for me to do a couple more of these throughout the story because it makes it easier for you to understand where he's coming from. R+R please :)**

**Remember, I still need your votes for which chapters should be re-written in EPOV at the end. Here's a reminder of the chapters and how the votes stand so far:**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth1

Chapter 2: I need some distraction1

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship2

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me1

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade1

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin1

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside1

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me4

Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you2

Chapter 12: EPOV already

Chapter 13: Such Silence4

Chapter 14: EPOV already

**As you can see, the votes definitely are in favour of chapter 10 and 13 being re-written at the end of the story. Feel free to vote again if you've changed your mind or would like a chapter that has been posted after you cast your original vote.**

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose the chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself.**


	15. Chapter 15: Nowhere to hide

**A/N: The usual monotonous 'thank-you's to everyone who has reviewed. Don't worry- Edward WILL be back soon. If you have any questions about things that don't necessarily concern this Fanfic, then please feel free to email me on the email address below.**

**I thought this would be a nice challenge for those who look forward to my chapters the most:**

**Leave me a review of roughly 400 characters (give or take 50) - which isn't really that long- and I will choose my favourite review and send that person the next chapter in advance. This will apply to all my future chapters. Headline your review, 'Advance on chapter challenge' and then email me your email at Laurennn_Ox live. co. uk (just take out the spaces). Both the review and the email need to be sent before 4pm England time tomorrow (Saturday 3rd January). I will then choose my favourite and send them the chapter a few hours early. This chapter was a little late coming because I got in late yesterday. Congratulations to my first winner, Absolutely Cullen who has been sent this chapter early. The other couple of entries that I got did not have an email address and did not contact me with one in time. But enter again and you could have chapter 16 sent early to you :)**

_**Lately I'm not dreaming, so what's the point in sleeping? It's just that and night I've got nowhere to hide**_

_From Hammers and Strings (Lullaby) by Jack's Mannequin. Thanks to KCakaAlice for suggesting these. Here is her interpretation of them: "They could be used to show Bella's time without Edward. If she is miserable without him then she isn't dreaming- she's having nightmares. Also, night time is the one time she can't busy herself enough to forget about the pain, or even dull it". I thought they were brilliant and very fitting so thank-you!_

Two weeks after Edward had left me, I was still waking in a cold sweat. The absence of his presence in my life was more than hurtful; it was terrifying. I'd been left smarting by his comments in the hospital mainly because they were all true. I _did_ cause that crash and it was pathetic that I couldn't control my actions around him. He'd finally realised how obsessed with him I was and he'd scarpered before I could cling on any tighter. I didn't blame him at all; it was my stupidity that had cost us or relationship and very nearly our lives. So there was nothing to do with my time other than wallow in disgust with myself. My mum and dad tried, to no avail, to make me take some interest in the outside world, but it held no appeal for me any longer. So I remained in my room for the remainder of the school holidays. I thought that being back at school would make things easier, but if anything, it made them worse.

"Bella, just get over it already. He's gone and he's an idiot for doing it." Jessica's harsh voice lashed me like a horsewhip and I flinched. She smiled slightly. Jessica had been getting closer to Lauren Mallory and her personality reflected it. I simple glared at her in response, shoved my tray away and stood. I walked from the cafeteria as calmly as I could yet still managed to bump right into a small girl. When I realised that it was Alice Cullen, my heart leapt into my throat. She glared up at me coldly.

"_Please_ watch where you're going," she hissed venomously. It stung. She pushed past me and I stayed in the corridor for a while. I didn't understand; I had no quarrel with Alice.

After school, I walked for a while to clear my head. I could fully understand Edward's problems with me, but Alice? As far as I knew, I'd done nothing to her. I'd reached La Push beach before I knew it; I'd completely lost track of time and direction. I sat on the sand for a while until the rain began drenching my hair. I stood and started to leave with a sigh. A mass of matted blonde hair was suddenly in my face.

"Look what the cat dragged in," said a familiar, unwelcome screech. Lauren Mallory was stood about 3 inches from me, towering above me. I shuddered away instinctively but she grabbed a handful of my hair and dragged my face to hers. "It's time you learnt from your mistakes, Swan," she snarled. A light giggle came from beside her and I saw Tanya at Lauren's right hand side.

"I don't blame Edward for leaving you, you're just a silly slag," she jeered. I couldn't think of any responses so I just bit my lip and struggle to get out of Lauren's grasp. She hauled me back. "Do you want to know a secret, _Bella_?" Tanya asked. I didn't do anything.

"I think she does," Lauren said happily; she was revelling in this.

"The love of Edward's life, Leah ... he _cheated_ on her!" She shouted joyfully. I had a feeling that they were both drunk. "Do you want to know who with, Swan?" Lauren bent my head slightly to the side and I gasped breathlessly. "_Me_". That one word ripped into me almost as badly as Edward leaving had.

"W-what?" I stuttered and Tanya's laugh rang out through the beach.

"He slept with me when he was supposed to be meeting with Leah! And then she drove that car and crashed while he tried to explain. Even if he wasn't driving, he still killed her," she bellowed right in my face. I wanted to recoil but Lauren held my head tight.

"You're lying," I insisted and Tanya through her head back and just about had hysterics.

"_Three times_. That's how much he slept with me. The third time was when he was supposed to be with Leah. He never touched me after that," she said regretfully. Tears stung at my eyes and I willed them not to spill over. I could feel that they were about to, though.

"I don't blame him," I scoffed. Tanya's firm hand slapped my face and it sprang back in Lauren's hand. The left side of my face burnt. I returned to watch her face and she smiled, satisfied.

"Hearing him cry out my name was beautiful and I'll never forget the way he felt inside me," she sighed wistfully. I thrashed against Lauren's body to loosen her hold and it did slightly. I lunged at Tanya who simply stepped back cackling. Lauren regained her grasp on me and tugged my hair for good measure. "After Leah died, I made sure he was scared. I told him I'd tell everyone what a cheating bastard he was unless he paid me. $300 a month I got off him. It was almost as pleasurable as the sex". So this was what made Edward so afraid of Tanya.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing the dirty on you as well," Lauren chirped in behind me.

"It's more than likely," Tanya agreed. "And don't be thinking that you're anywhere near as special to him as Leah was. I know how much he loved that girl. I've never seen him cry so much as he did when she died. Weeks and weeks he shut himself away and when he came back again, he wasn't the same. It's only recently that he's got his little spark back. He managed to cheat on her even though she meant so much to him. It's just the person that Edward is, he can't help it". The tears were rolling down now because I knew that everything she was saying was right. Edward couldn't possibly love me as much as he had Leah, I accepted that, but it still hurt. There was only a small relief that the blackmailing business had nothing to do with a baby after all.

"Now you're going to get what's been coming to you, Swan," Lauren roared down my ear. Tanya gave another cackle as Lauren threw me to the floor. I screamed when her foot connected with my stomach but it was lost when all the wind was knocked out of me. I concentrated on shutting down separate areas of my body to prevent the pain being unbearable as the two of them continued to beat me to a pulp. It was something I'd learnt to do when I'd been in the coma. I was no longer one being, I was separate parts all strung together. I felt hands gripping my face and slamming it again and again into the sand. My eyes were burning as the salt water flooded them and the sand stung them. As my head was jerked, I bit my tongue and blood submerged my mouth. It seemed like hours later when their laughter finally subsided and I was left on the beach.

I knew I should get up. The water was almost covering my body now as the tide came in. I knew my parents would be suicidal by now as they tried to get hold of me. I knew that it did me no good to lie there. Eventually, I heaved myself up from the sand. Every single part of me was in agony. I couldn't straighten up because the pain in my abdomen was so severe. I stumbled across the beach for about 30 seconds before my knees buckled. I felt a pair of huge, firm arms wrap around my body and I was suddenly in the air, being carried along the beach. I didn't know who it was, but I fastened my arms around their neck and allowed them to trudge along with me.

"What are we going to do with you Swan? My brother's been gone a fortnight and you've already got yourself in trouble," said a husky voice. It was Emmett, Edward's brother and I was suddenly very aware of his size. I glance down and gasped as I found that I was about 6 feet from the ground- it seemed strange. Emmett chuckled. "How badly are you hurt?" He asked me. I wondered if my voice would work.

"Not ... too ... much," I denied, wheezing.

"Yeah, looks like it," he replied sceptically. "I'll take you to my father; he's closer than any hospital". I nodded. I was filled with so much resentment for Tanya and Lauren that I couldn't even begin to sum it up. I was sure that this attack hadn't been good for my coma recovery. Emmett placed me gently on the back seat of Edward's Volvo and we were at his parent's house in no time. I wondered why he had this car but was too weary to ask. A beautiful blonde girl greeted us by opening the door wide and gasping as she saw me. Was I that bad? I was confused as to how Emmett had known where I was. Carlisle approached us carrying his medical bag.

"Get her on the kitchen table, Emmett; I'll have a look at her".

"I don't know what's up with her, she's shaking like mad but she doesn't seem cold," Emmett told him.

"It's just shock. Get her on the table," Carlisle instructed again. I lay on their pristine mahogany dining table and closed my eyes. Carlisle's gentle, cool hands pressed against my arms, legs and stomach. Everything he touched throbbed and he seemed to gather that from my winces. "My apologies, Bella, but I need to assess you". I nodded and he paused. "Who did this to you?" I didn't know what to say.

"I ... didn't see their faces". I opened my eyes to see his reaction. He pursed his lips cynically.

"Bella, you should tell me. They've done a hell of a lot of damage. You're lucky that Emmett found you".

"How _did_ he find me?" Carlisle hesitated.

"Tanya sent Edward a text saying that she'd sort you out for him". I processed this for a while.

"So he called you and told you?"

"Something like that. Emmett drove round looking for you for an hour". I smiled gratefully, but then frowned.

"What do you mean, 'something like that'?" I asked. Carlisle's eyes flitted around.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything," he said firmly. I was utterly confused. He sighed. "Edward came back himself to tell us. Our phone lines were down because of the storm. So he had Emmett and Rosalie drive him down here". My heart stopped beating, I swear for a second it did. There was a knock at the kitchen door. Carlisle opened it slightly so that I couldn't see who it was. I heard a muffled voice and Carlisle glanced at me and nodded his head.

"Bad enough," he whispered. He smiled apologetically at me and left the room, closing the door. I strained to hear and I could just about make out the voices.

"I need to see her. I need to make sure she's okay". I recognised Edward's voice and my body shuddered. I craved for him so much that it made everything ache even worse.

"Are you sure that's best? If you're just going to leave again, it will tear her apart, Edward. You haven't had to see Alice come home from school every day, pained because she isn't allowed to talk to Bella. You don't have to hear her father talk about how lost she's become. You don't have to bump into her and look into her blank eyes. It wasn't fair to leave her in the first place, but to leave her _twice_?"

"Carlisle you know why I left," Edward said quietly. "I couldn't continue hurting her like that. Every corner we turned there was more agony for her and I couldn't do that to her any more". I was utterly perplexed. Edward had left because _I_ had been hurting us both. "I've gone too long without seeing her face every day. I need to see that she's okay". The door flung open and I sat bolt upright but regretted it. My stomach was still incredibly painful. But I didn't care as soon as I saw Edward in front of me. His face was drawn and pale and he looked like he could do with a good night's sleep. He looked thinner than usual as well. His eyes raked over me and agony crossed them as he saw the extent of my injuries. He was beautiful as ever.

"Hello," he said quietly.

**Remember, I still need your votes for which chapters should be re-written in EPOV at the end. Here's a reminder of the chapters and how the votes stand so far:**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth**2**

Chapter 2: I need some distraction**2**

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins**1**

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship**3**

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me**1**

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade**1**

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin**1**

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside**2**

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me**5**

Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you**2**

Chapter 12: EPOV already

Chapter 13: Such Silence**5**

Chapter 14: EPOV already

**As you can see, the votes definitely are in favour of chapter 10 and 13 being re-written at the end of the story. Feel free to vote again if you've changed your mind or would like a chapter that has been posted after you cast your original vote.**

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose the chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself.**


	16. Chapter 16: Take good care of you

**A/N: Thanks for how many reviews I got last chapter :) Unfortunately, I'm going to stop the Advance on chapter challenge because everyone who enters isn't leaving their emails. Plus, being on a different time to most of you, I would send you the chapter while you're asleep so then you don't get a chance to read it until you wake up by which point it's on Fanfic. If any of that makes sense. But thanks to those who entered this time anyway. Sorry that I can't send you this chapter early. Also, send me some lyrics and explain how they could tie in with a chapter and I might include them in a chapter! Apologies for how short this chapter is but I haven't had much time to write anything longer for you.**

**P.S: Feel free to R+R my other Twilight Fanfic, First Light. However, I am pretty embarrassed by this as it was my first attempt and it's pretty shabby. I probably won't be continuing with it but there are 10 chapters up so let me know what you think if you're looking for something else to read while you wait for a chapter of Love After Love.**

_**I'll do my best to take good care of you**_

_From I'll Be Your Lover Too by Van Morrison (yes, Robert Pattinson also sang it). Thanks for all the suggestions I got but I decided to choose these instead. Edward is basically feeling immensely guilty for leaving Bella and although he's back with her, he thinks he can only try his hardest to keep her safe, there will be no guarantees. However that is a sacrifice that both of them must make to be together._

My voice was lost and not through the pain of my stomach this time. Looking into his grave angel's face made it seem like he had never left. But of course he _had_ and I couldn't ignore the missing piece of me that had gone with him; it didn't seem like it had returned. He took a few steps towards me.

"How are you?" He asked. I thought it was fairly obvious how I was, but something told me that he wasn't asking about my injuries.

"I'm ... not ... all that brilliant," I admitted and he nodded slowly.

"That's ... understandable". The conversation was completely stiff between us. I lay back down on the table and rubbed my stomach, trying to ease the pain a little. After a few minutes, his hand replaced mine. I looked up at him and he smiled weakly. I had to look away though; I refused to get any more attached to him that I was. Carlisle was right; I didn't think I could stand it if he left again. At least if I tried to ignore the fact that I loved him so much and that it was I who had repelled him in the first place, then it might not be all that bad when he left. Who was I kidding? It would be _just_ as bad, if not worse. "Who did this to you?" He asked after a while. I didn't answer because I knew that he was fully aware of who it was. "Bella?" I forced my eyes to meet his but it was immensely difficult.

"I didn't see their faces," I insisted, just like I had with Carlisle.

"Of course you didn't," he muttered.

"I know that you got a text from Tanya. Carlisle told me". He looked at me, puzzled.

"A text?" I sighed.

"_Yes_. Carlisle said that Tanya sent you a message saying that she would sort me out for you and that's why you came back".

"I got no text, Bella. I was coming back today anyway. To beg you to forgive me". I looked at him, stunned.

"You didn't just come back because you felt guilty?" That was my only conclusion as to why he was back here. He chuckled but it was without humour. He took his hand away from my stomach and stroked my face.

"No. I didn't know anything about what had happened until I arrived back here and my mother told me that Lauren Mallory's parents had called to say that they'd found some pictures of you lay on the beach on her phone. I wanted to go out and get you myself, but Carlisle persuaded me to stay here and let Emmett go. He's been very opinionated about my being back here," he said darkly.

"But, why?"

"Because he's under the impression that I will leave you again and he thinks it's very unfair. That must be why he told you I had come back because of a text". He was grave again. "But I won't be leaving again, Bella. Not if you'll have me back," he pleaded.

"But you left because of what I had done. I nearly got us both killed!"

"Of course you didn't! That crash was entirely my fault and I only said otherwise in the hospital because I knew you wouldn't let me go otherwise. I needed to leave you in peace, Bella. In the time that we've been together, I have hurt you so many times that I cannot bear to do it again. It seems inevitable though". I heaved myself off the table and he steadied me anxiously.

"I don't think I understand," I admitted. "You left because you thought it was your fault that we crashed? And because you didn't want to put me through pain any longer?" It didn't make any sense to me because I knew that the crash was my doing.

"Of course it was my fault, Bella. I didn't check that you had your seat-belt on. I started driving as soon as you set your lips on me. I can't think straight when we're together like that. All that matters is having your body against mine and loving you. I need to sort my priorities out," he laughed, patting my hair back. God, even my hair ached.

"But ... if I hadn't kissed you ..."

"If you hadn't kissed me then I would have kissed you and we'd have crashed anyway. Bella, you can't take the blame for that simply because you _kissed_ me. It hardly warrants the death sentence, does it?" He mocked and I smiled my first genuine smile in a long time.

"So you're truly back?" I said sceptically.

"Yes," he said firmly and planted his lips gently against mine. I had so many bruises and cuts on my face that every part of it throbbed. He knew this though, and kept his mouth so that it just tickled my own. He parted his lips and teased my tongue with his. His arms snaked around my hips and he lifted me, as gently as if I were a doll, onto the table so that he didn't have to bend his neck. I wrapped my legs around his body and ensured that he was as tight against me as was physically possible. I was wearing shorts because I'd had gym last period and hadn't bothered to change, and the warmth of his body through his t-shirt made my body tingle. He moaned softly as my hands trailed up his chest and round his waist.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear before proceeding to kiss my neck. I leant my head back to give him better access and nestled my fingers in his bronze hair. My whole body was on fire, aching for him. There was a knock at the door and he broke away from me, grumbling. I unwound my legs but he didn't remove his arms from round my waist. The door opened and Alice stepped in. She eyed our embrace with a smile on her face.

"Dad says that you have to unlatch your face from Bella's for twenty minutes so that he can treat her," she said teasingly. Edward sighed but pulled me down off the table, keeping hold of my hand. Alice stepped lightly towards me and gave me a tight hug. I winced automatically and she pulled away.

"Oops! Sorry!" I smiled.

"Its fine, I'm just a bit achy".

"Yeah. I need to apologise for today at school. You see, Edward told Jasper and me that we should keep away from you and I thought that if you thought that I hated you, you wouldn't mind so much," she said regretfully.

"Don't worry about it- I get it," I insisted and she smiled before going out of the room and calling for her dad. Edward kissed the top of my head lightly.

"Forgive me?" He asked and I nodded with a smile. Everything was back to its' usual perfect state. Or at least it was until I remembered Tanya's story.

**I don't think this chapter was one of my best but judging by the positive reviews I've been getting, the last couple of chapters **_**were**_** my best. So thanks :) Please review. I've also had a review suggesting that I re-write all the chapters in EPOV but I don't think that would work, what do you think?**

**Remember, I still need your votes for which chapters should be re-written in EPOV at the end. Here's a reminder of the chapters and how the votes stand so far:**

Chapter 1: He's magic and myth**4**

Chapter 2: I need some distraction**3**

Chapter 3: Diving too deep for coins**3**

Chapter 4: I will go down with this ship**4**

Chapter 5: Fear is the heart of love**1**

Chapter 6: You'll learn to hate me**2**

Chapter 7: Burning light and dusty shade**2**

Chapter 8: Your love is the sweetest sin**2**

Chapter 9: I've been dying inside**2**

Chapter 10: Promise you won't forget me**7**

Chapter 11: Someone else to hold you**3**

Chapter 12: EPOV already**/**

Chapter 13: Such Silence**7**

Chapter 14: EPOV already**/**

Chapter 15: Nowhere to hide**2**

Chapter 16: Take good care of you

**As you can see, the votes definitely are in favour of chapter 10 and 13 being re-written at the end of the story. Feel free to vote again if you've changed your mind or would like a chapter that has been posted after you cast your original vote.**

**So if you review, please be kind enough to choose the chapters that I should re-write in EPOV. If you feel that any of my future chapters should be in EPOV then you can nominate it then. I will write a reminder on all future chapters. I will choose the 3 chapters with most nominations to re-write or if I don't get enough votes then I will choose myself.**


	17. Chapter 17: All your life will ever be

**A/N: Apologies for how late this chapter is. However, I hope you enjoy it :)**

_**All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be**_

_From Breathe by Pink Floyd. Bella doesn't expect much from Edward in this chapter- she doesn't expect him to answer her questions, so he doesn't. So translated, all she expects from him is all she'll get back. Plus, Edward thinks that the only thing in store for the two of them is pain ('all your life will ever be'). Send me your suggestions for next time's lyrics!_

I felt like utter crap the next morning. I'd pleaded with Carlisle to let me go home but he'd insisted that I go to the hospital to have X-Rays just in case. Edward never left my side and when the doctor had to re-break two of my fingers, he whispered in my ear and helped me through the entire ordeal. So when I woke, it was with an industrial light beaming on my clammy forehead whilst lay on a mattress thinner than Victoria Beckham.

"Ugh," I groaned, snatching at the tubes smothering my face. A cold hand took hold of mine.

"Bella," Edward chuckled beside me. "Be good; they're there for a purpose". I grimaced but it was weak. I felt thoroughly drained.

"Could you get me a mirror please?" Edward arched one perfect eyebrow; I hardly ever looked in the mirror if I could help it. He reached over to the cabinet behind him and pulled out a hand mirror. I took it from him, examined my face and gasped in horror. My face was _not_ a face. It was just a swollen mass of bruises. Edward gently traced my cheek with his hand.

"Shhhh," he soothed, "the bruises will be gone in a few days. You won't even scar very much".

"Very much?" I repeated apprehensively.

"You'll have one scar, my father says".

"Which one?" I asked, looking at a choice of many. He smiled faintly and ran his fingers across the one above my right eyebrow.

"It's kind of shaped like a heart," he said with a grin. I peered at it closer and he was right. The top of the love heart was perfectly defined. The bottom did not join together, instead ending bluntly on my eyebrow just as the two sides narrowed in to join. But it was a heart. I smiled weakly. Something tugged at my memory. I lay still, irritated by it for a while until I remembered everything that Tanya had told me.  
"Edward?" I began. He became animated from his stiff pose at the side of me.

"Mmmm?"

"Tanya ... told me something ... on the beach," I said tentatively. His jaw clenched audibly and every muscle in his face protested against the unnatural tightening; he knew exactly what I was about to say.

"That doesn't surprise me," he replied smoothly. I could tell that it took some effort to keep his voice calm.

"So you know what she said to me?"

"I have a good idea, yes".

"So then, you can tell me the truth? You can tell me that she lied to me?" I should have been making confident statements, but I was only asking unsure questions. He leaned away from me, glaring rigidly at a corner of the room.

"I will not talk about this with you," he almost snarled at me. I shrank back into my pillows, every part of me stinging in agony as I did so. He looked at me anxiously as I winced but then went back to his sullen, angry mood.

"I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. He breathed out very sharply; it wasn't a sigh, it was more of an irritated retort.

"If I have to hear those words come out of your mouth _one more time_, Bella," he murmured impatiently. I struggled not to reply just as angrily to him. Instead, I swung my legs out of the bed and heaved myself up. He stood too and came round to steady me. I snatched my hand away, catching my broken fingers as I did so. I yelled out in pain and he pushed me back into bed gently. Other patients on the ward began glancing over nervously.

"You need to be careful with your hand". He was still growling, but it was less harsh now; he was worried about me again.

"My hand is fine," I insisted, barking at him. He blinked, shocked. "I don't need this from you". He opened his mouth to say something but I turned away from him and stood from the bed again. He was at my side in an instant, taking hold of my hand and untying the bandages.

"I should check that you haven't broken anything again," he said quietly. Again, I snatched my hand away, ignoring the shooting pain and two audible, dull cracks.

"Get off me," I hissed.

"What's the matter with you?" He demanded as more people craned their necks to watch us.

"_Me?_ _I'm_ the one with the problem?" I scoffed and hobbled away from him but he followed easily.

"Evidently, yes," he replied. I turned on my heel to face him.

"You know, this '_relationship'_ will not work if you start hating me as soon as I mention Leah or Tanya or Lauren's name- or any other girl who you've been out with. My apologies if I can't keep track of the entire population of Forks!" I all but bellowed in his face. He stared coldly back at me.

"So what if I do hate you?" He sneered and I froze. Edward couldn't _hate_ me. No matter what we said to one another, we _loved_ each other.

"You don't mean that," I said resolutely. There was a lot of emotion in his eyes; he looked like he was truly hurting.

"No, I don't. I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have said that". There was something he needed to get off his chest, I could see that. "I don't think ... that we should continue with this". At first I thought he meant the argument. But then I realised that he meant _us_.

"_No_," I whispered but he didn't hear. I couldn't go through this again; he couldn't leave me for a second time surely?

"I keep hurting you and you keep hurting me too, Bella. I don't want to say it because I know that it hurts you, but you just don't understand sometimes. I think it would benefit us both to not be together for a while". I nearly choked on thin air.

"B-but ... where will you go?" I demanded.

"Nowhere. My father needs to stay here to treat you and it did neither of us any good when I left the last time. I'll stay in school, stay in town. We just won't be ... together". I processed everything.

"Okay," I said automatically. I couldn't fight to stay with him anymore; it caused me too much pain and apparently, him too. He took my hand in his cool fingers and kissed the fingertips of my broken fingers lightly.

"Do not think that I don't love you," he whispered before walking away from me.

**Don't worry, Edward won't be gone from the story. He'll still be at school and I have plenty of things in store :) R+R!**


	18. Chapter 18: AN

**THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER!!!**

**Sorry to say that it's just another author's note to let you know about the current situation. As many of you will know, I've been trying my best to post a chapter daily, but it is hard work. So chapters will not be posted as frequently from now on. Maybe once every three days or something. Maybe sooner, maybe later. I just wanted to let everyone know that Love After Love is still a passion of mine and it WILL be finished. At least this way, it goes on for a little longer :)**

**So I thought it would be nice for one of you guys to write the next chapter. Not because I can't be bothered to because I've actually got halfway with it. But I realised that a lot of you aren't happy with where I take each chapter. So write the next chapter for me, however you want, and email it to me. I promise to read every single one that I get and I may consider posting the best as the actual chapter. Mainly though, this is just going to be a way for me to find out exactly how you want things to happen in this story. Email me at Laurennn_Ox live . co . uk (just take out the spaces) and I will reply with my thoughts. The chapter must include lyrics which have been explained as they are a very big part of my chapters. I don't mind if I don't get any, but I thought that a few people might prefer to show me what they want to happen this way, rather than explain in a review. You have until Friday to send me a chapter as I will be updating over the weekend, I PROMISE! The chapter can be as daring as you like and can contain anything as long as it isn't a ridiculous storyline nowhere near my own. **

**Thanks again to everyone loyal enough to this story to keep reading even though it's taking me so long :)**

**-Elle.**


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